Conversations on the Road.

I just arrived in the LA area about an hour and a half ago after a very long drive.

I was in the family van with my mother, sister, and youngest brother. My dad and oldest brother were in a separate car. My dad was texting me the entire time. Here are some of the conversations we had on the way down here.

Because I'm sure you're all dying to read it.

 

 

 

Dad: Did you get my awesome picture? (It was a picture of him making some odd face or another.)
Me: Yes.
Dad: Did you like it?
Me: Yes. I like it when my papa is silly.
Dad: :)
Me: Stop texting and driving.

Dad then sent me a picture of him sticking out his tongue at me.

 

Dad: Are you guys still on the road?
Me: Yes.
Dad: Ezit?
Me: 251. Do not sacrifice safety for poor spelling.
Dad: >(

 

Me: We're listening to Matenrou Opera and you're not. Tee hee.
Dad: We stopped to use the loo and you're not. Tee hee.
Me: Nope, and we are proud of that. Matenrou Opera is way cooler than loo time.
Dad: Nu uh, loo time is rockin.
Me: Until a toilet eats you.
Dad: Send me a grocery list.

 

 

 

You never would guess he's a frontrunner in his field of philosophy.

Which actually explains a lot.

About him.

 

And me.

To an extent.

 

 

Overusage of the enter bar FTW.

 

 

So I'll be in California for a bit. Hoping I'll get to go to Little Tokyo and maaaaaybe see Tao Ruspoli and (maybemaybemaybe) Olivia Wilde while I'm out here.

Maybe.

 

 

 

ALSO MY KITTY IS HERE AND SHE LOOOVES ME LOOK AT HER ISN'T SHE CUTE.

 

 

 

Well, I've two appointments with doctors early tomorrow morning so I'm going to go to bed now.

 

ε=┏( ・_・)┛

ご冥福をお祈りいたします。

This is going to be a very difficult rest of the month.


My grandmother passed away on Saturday after years of being unable to move, speak, or eat. It was her time, but I will still miss her. I pray for your happiness on the other side (ご冥福をお祈りいたします。) The viewing is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow morning.


Finals started this week. I took my geology final yesterday, will take my world religions final in a couple of hours, and I have my Japanese reading final tomorrow after the funeral. After that, I'll come back to my apartment, pack, and clean my room in case someone comes to see it out of interest of buying while I'm away.


On Thursday morning I'm driving with my family down to California for about a week, where I will have doctor's appointments and have to deal with my grieving and emotional mother, something I am not looking forward to. I am hoping and praying that this time, I can go to Little Tokyo and enjoy myself for a bit.


We're driving back up the next Tuesday or Wednesday, after which will follow my long work streak. I'll be working the 23-26th, including Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, and then around New Year's (not such a big deal) all while trying to get ready for the next semester to start.



I'm grateful for the work, honestly, because I really need a chance to get away from my family. I feel bad for my mom, but I can't deal with her especially when she is in this state. I need some time to myself to think and recuperate and have some quiet.



I'm also hoping that my contract for my apartment will be sold in the weeks to come, because I can't really afford to live here. If not, I guess I'll just have to suck it up and keep living the way I have. It's unenjoyable, but that's the way it is.






I really don't know the purpose of this post.


I'm tired.

More clothes!

Oh yes I did.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They're probably the last I'm going to buy for awhile, because lookity lookity, I need to buy new textbooks in the next month. Whoooop de dooooo.

Rantypants.

I love my roommates. Really, I do. I know that everyone that talks to me probably doesn't think I do, but I do.

 

So if they happen to find this blog, they should know that I don't hate them, I'm just letting off some steam. I know they do it for me, too.

 

 

 

 

Number one, why is it so hard to just run the dishwasher at the end of the day? They throw a hissy fit whenever I try to run the dishwasher when it's not so packed full of dishes you can't even push the racks in and out. They would rather use everything that can be put into the washer ever before running it. I'm sorry, but I like having plates and bowl and cups and utensils to eat with. I like waking up in the morning and not having to wash my own bowl when I'm in a hurry to get to class on time.

 

I promise you, it's not that hard, it's not going to be the end of the world, and it's not that I hate you or want to make you waste your money (doesn't dishwashing detergent last a couple of months?). I just want to eat like a civilized human being. And have a clean kitchen.

 

It's not that hard. I'm not asking that much. Clean up after yourself, put the dishes through the dishwasher. The Earth will not spiral off into the sun if we have clean dishes every morning. Promise. If I turn out to be wrong and the Earth suddenly does hurtle off into the sun because we ran the dishwasher tonight, well, I'll be dead, and I guess I'll get what's coming to me, won't I?

 

 

 

 

Number two, if you're going to do makeup, please do it in bits and pieces, especially since you two seem to have all the time in the world. Other people need to use the bathroom and the sink. Namely me. And I don't take very long. I don't take an hour to put on makeup. If I wash my face, pluck a few eyebrow hairs, and put on my eyeliner and mascara, I take maybe five minutes. Six tops. If I feel like doing Rukippoi, I take maybe ten or twelve minutes. That's all I require for makeup. Oh, and maybe twenty minutes to do my hair, thirty if I'm really paying attention to what I'm doing.

 

So you see, I can do things in bits and pieces and still be done completely getting ready for the day before you've even finished putting on your makeup. If you really need to do it all at once and take an hour for it, use my handmirror. It's free for you to use. But I want to be able to use the sink that I'm paying for and I want to be able to use the mirror and have that pass to pass through to get to the toilet and the bathtub. Please.

 

And while I'm talking about it, how does one person take all the hot water for an apartment of four girls? You don't need a shower that long, I promise you. Sure, I take maybe ten minutes and I'm not saying you need to do that, but you don't have to be in there for an hour and a half using all the hot water, especially since all of us need to get ready to go places. Take half an hour at most, please.

 

Can anyone even imagine the number of days I wasn't ready for class because I wake up and someone's in the shower for two hours, and I'm too gross and smelly to go out until I shower? And then I have to wait an hour for the hot water to come back because SOMEHOW one person used all the hot water for our apartment and probably the neighbours', too. WTF. CONSERVATION. YOU DON'T NEED A TWO HOUR SHOWER.

 

 

 

 

Finally, storage. It's kind of funny to come back from the weekend at Lashy's house to see that my room has become the storage room. Except for it's really not that funny. I know that this isn't my entire room, I know that half of it belongs to another girl who isn't here and that's fine. But does anyone have the decency to ask, "Hey, can I still these huge boxes of food and other stuff in here? It's only going to get in your way." Nope, they just throw stuff in and think I'm not going to mind.

 

But I do, because this is my room. Again, it's not entirely my room, but it is my room. I don't go into your room and throw stuff in there that I don't want to keep in my room, and I'm constantly tempted to just stick my guitars in their room and say, "You didn't seem to think that taking my space was bad, so I figured I would just take some of your space because, you know, yours is kind of getting in my way." It is so annoying to be in here trying to study with all my stuff spread out so I can easily access it to have someone come tromping in here all around me and on my stuff so that they can get a can of beans, or maple syrup, or their portfolio or whatever.

 

I wouldn't even care, if they had simply asked, "Hey, can we use some of the space in there?" But they didn't. They just put stuff in here. My room is their own personal storage room. And they have no respect for my things. I came back this morning to see that someone had set something on top of some posters I had carefully rolled up and tucked away somewhere where heavy stuff would not be put on top of them.

 

If you're going to intrude my space without asking, at least have some respect for my things. It is my room, after all. You don't see me going into your place and stepping all over your things and laksdhglkasjdlfkasdjljf.

 

 

 

 

Okay, rantiness is over. I think.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now for a happy moment courtesy the GazettE.

 

 

Finals.

They are coming.

I had my final presentation of my Gazepaper in English on Wednesday, when I thought it was today. So yeah. I'll just say I'm really disappointed in myself and I could have done a much better job if I could just READ. I am still regretting what I did.

Just took a midterm for Japanese 302. 54%. Took the jukugo posttest for Japanese 321. 65%.

If this is forecasting how I'm going to do on the rest of my finals, I should just go hide. My score would be about the same for not showing up as it would be actually taking the test.

Wut Thanksgiving was yesterday.

Most people wouldn't want to go to work the day after Thanksgiving. However, since the new family is all up in my grill with Christmas yo, I'm looking forward to getting out for a few hours. It's a good thing I'm not residing with them until slightly closer to Christmas when I'll be able to stand it.

In other news, I bought another skirt:




Isn't it cuuuuute.





Now I must away to work, and escape the Christmas.

New Job.

New job is nicer. New job is more prestigious. New job requires nice clothes. New job doesn't pay as much. New job doesn't offer as many hours at the moment. Nice clothes are expensive. Expensive with less hours and less pay means I have no money.

It's a vicious cycle.



I did buy two pieces of new clothing, and hopefully my parents will take pity and help me buy just two or three nice shirts and a pair of pants or something.


Clothes I bought:

White ruffly skirt.




And:

Awesome separate shirt.

We'll see how they look when they get here. :/ I hope they're nice. If not I just spent a lot of money on nothing.




Also I bought a jpunk tie:




I like it very much. I'll try wearing it to work. If it's not work acceptable it will at least look awesome to wear to school.






MONEEEEEEYYYYYY PROBLEMS.










Also apparently this is my 100th post, yay for me, I am a blogger superstar.

Rainy Days.

They're my favourite. That's why autumn and winter are my favourite seasons: lots of cold weather, cloudy days, rain and that fresh smell that comes with it.

Days like today, I just want to sit inside and listen to some Asriel and translate while sitting in front of a window so I can look out at the beautiful rainy world. And I want to do that all day.

Unfortunately, I can't do that until later today.

Sadness.

WTF...

So... it's my mom's parents' 50th anniversary in a couple of weeks. For a present, my aunt had an idea for everyone in the family to write a little something, and we'd compile it all into a book to give to my grandparents to show them how all of us appreciate their marriage.


Since I've been really busy being sick and writing papers, and since I have memory deficiency and I don't remember much, I just wrote a short little bit about trips that the family used to take down to Lake Powell when I was younger. It was when the family was not quite so big, and I mentioned how nice it was to just have that close and bonding experience. I sent it off to my aunt. I got this back from her (copy and pasted straight from Gmail):


"I don't know if you were mad with me or if you are unhappy with something that I've done or said. I actually read your letter today and I couldn't tell if it was reflective of your feelings of me or our family in general. I felt bad that with all the memories you would have of Grandma and Grandpa and all they've done that this is what you want published in a book for Grandpa to read on his 50th wedding anniversary. This is meant for them...Grandma and Grandpa...as a way of seeing what their union has meant to each of us, not as a way to come forward with personal issues towards members of our family. Let me know if you would like to put any more thought into it."




WTF woman.




So I wrote another one. Hopefully this one seems "nicer" to her. Otherwise I will just not be in the book, which is a damn shame to everyone except for me, I guess. But if she's going to take personal offense at everything I do (not unusual for that side of the family), so be it.


I guess that's just the way I'll always be to them.

HALLOWEEN.

I don't celebrate, but I did some makeup effects and called it a day.

 

 

 

 

 

RUKIPPOI.

 

 

 

In other news, I have my school schedule for next term:

 

10-10:50 Reading Modern Japanese Documentary Styles MWF

11-11:50 Modern American Usage of Grammar MWF

12-12:50 Masterpieces of World Literature MWF

14-14:50 Career Strategies MW

15-15:50 Christian History MW

 

 

YAAAAY SCHOOL.

 

 

 

I really like these neck slashes, I should do them more often.

Research Paper

I'm taking a break from working on the proposal for my semester research paper, an assignment for my advanced writing class. It's been a rough go trying to figure out what I'm going to write about, since my major is a language. I guess there's one other girl in my class that as a language major - Spanish - and since there are about ten times more Spanish classes than there are Japanese classes it's been easy for her.


She decided she's going to write about history. I've decided I'm going to write about the GazettE.


Yes, laugh at me if you want, but there's such a nice breath of fresh air about those men, Ruki in particular. He doesn't care about social conventions about keeping things under the table. He wants to put things out in the open, where people can see and talk about them. There are so many things in his lyrics that you can't find almost anything on in Japanese news just because of censorship and social convention that you don't talk about it. He takes a strong stance and doesn't back down when backlash strikes.


It's something important, something that needs to be done. I'm all for keeping custom and tradition, but that doesn't mean that ignoring the problem will make it go away.


So the basis of my research paper is the GazettE's album "DIM" and the issues it talks about in its lyrics. Some of them, just so there's an idea, are pieces about abortion, murder, anger, emotional abuse, and the like. I'm excited to work out my paper on interpreting them and how the band's personal opinions have helped shape this.


the GazettE will be pulling in upwards of $2,000,000 with ticket sales for this year's tour. They're important and prolific, despite their status as "heretics" and "social riot machines". Let's give some attention to them and what they have to say.



That's why they're doing it, after all.

Sick.

So last night, I was attempting to go to sleep, feeling very awake and anxious. I was experiencing the wonderful swelling flush of the niacin tablet I had taken (good times, everyone, you should try it) when sudden stabbing pain began ripping at my lower abdomen.

I figured it would go away, but it kept coming, harder and more painful. I went to the bathroom, where my body purged itself several times before I could stagger back to my room and try to climb up on my bed. At this point I was in so much pain I was writhing around to try to ease my muscles.

My roommates came in at one in the morning to see if I was okay, and after watching me, one went to get painkillers while the other called my home teachers to come and give me a blessing. My teachers came at one thirty and entered my room (against university contract, but I couldn't move because I was in too much pain) to give me a blessing.

I managed to hold still as they were blessing me, though I was still experiencing a pain like someone shoving a knife up into me from between my legs and through my stomach and back. When they had finished, they gave my roommates instructions to call if I needed any more help before they left. My roommates decided that if I wasn't feeling better within a half hour, they were going to take me to the hospital.

Luckily, the pain subsided quickly after that, and I spent the rest of the night drifting in and out of sleep, weak and sore with a turbulent stomach.

That's why I'm writing this blog instead of being in class right now.



I never would have thought to call my home teachers, but for my roommates it was one of the first things they asked me. I'm glad they had the faith and the belief to do that, because I do believe that blessing is what made me feel as good as I do now. I'm still sick, but I'm not writhing around in pain.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but if it comes back, it's good to know people of faith are willing to help me exercise mine.

What I Need to Work On.

Accepting help.

I've been saying it for a long time, but it's only in the last little while people have been telling me, "We're trying to help, but you won't let us."


I'm going to start telling myself, before I react to offers of help or anything like it, that it's okay to accept help.

I guess I've just been going so long without taking help that I don't know what to do.



So I'm going to start saying, "It's okay. Let them help." and then accept it as best I can.


It'll be a struggle, but it will be better for me if I humble myself and let people take care of me, because I really can't take care of myself.




I'm not one of these people that wants to always be a dependent. I don't want to rely on people all my life, I don't want to live in my family's house, I don't want to always have to be getting help to get through life. I want to be an independent person that can take care of myself.

But now is clearly not a time I'm able to do that.




I'm going to accept help.

Even if it's going to be struggle for me.

I don't want to keep making the people that care about me worry anymore.

Change.

Sorry to spring this on everyone, but if you're here looking for the crystal scherzo page, it's been changed.

Since crystal scherzo is a group now, I figured it would be best if the URL reflected the group rather than me. For the group's scanslations and translations, now head to http://crystalscherzo.blogspot.com. Sorry for the sudden change.



Cheers.

Crash.

Boom.

The end.



School's a lot better so far than it was last year. That doesn't mean my grades are going to be any better, but at least I'm enjoying myself. I'm a lot better off when it comes to being on terms with myself. For the most part, I'm very happy about who I am and what I'm doing, and that makes everything about ten times more fun.

There's still a lot of worries and a lot of stress and it's not everything to do with me, but I've just gotta keep going.


I'm not putting my head down though. I'm going to look at everything that's going on so I can have a better sense of things. I don't want to blindly go through stuff if I don't have to.







Dix.

Blergh.

Yes, it’s that time again, when school starts. The first week was over and it was a mess. I’ll just say that working the noon shift is not easy when half my classes are during the noon shift. I’m happy to be back on the afternoon shift. Fwee.

 

So I moved into a new apartment, and there was plenty of nervousness and anxiety, but it looks like it’s going to be a good experience this year. Kenzie and Ariel, my two new roommates, are really cool and open-minded and they don’t mind me being a weirdo. They even compliment my Asian men wall. :Db

 

Speaking of which, here are pictures of the new flat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Versailles AND GazettE. Best wall of awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These pictures were taken awhile ago so it looks a bit different now, but not by much. :3

 

It’s a small flat, as to be expected, but it’s soooo much nicer than the place Elo and I lived first year. Plus the ward is nicer, roommates are cooler, and the overall feel is just so much more welcoming. I don’t feel like I have to hide my music or my movies or my posters, because people actually think it’s cool.

 

It’s so nice to be around mature people.

 

 

 

 

So my classes this semester are: Historical Geology, Reading Modern Japanese Documentary Styles, Writing About the Arts and Humanities, World Religions, and Japanese Culture Through Cinema. The workload is going to be a bit much, but I really want to do well this year, and I’m excited about my classes and what I’m going to learn. I’m going to work my hardest and do my very best.

 

A couple of other goals I have for the semester are to work on my kanji outside of class, work on guitar, and try to read my scriptures more. I feel comfortable with my spiritual relationship with God and with religion, but I don’t think it’ll hurt to keep trying. I’m going to attempt to read the Book of Mormon in Japanese, just bit by bit, to help my spiritual progress and my Japanese.

 

 

 

In other news, I know I’ve posted this everywhere, but congratulations to Masashi for becoming a member of Versailles, and to Versailles for finding such a wonderful person to help carry their work on. I look forward to seeing how they will progress into their new era.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a hard time right now. I’m struggling with a lot, and I know I’m getting bogged down, but I’m going to keep fighting. I want everyone to know that no matter what I say or how I act, or how upset or sad or depressed I seem, I’m never stopping my fight. I just need some help getting strength back every now and then.

 

 

 

 

 

Bedtime.

Vinushka.

I just watched the PV to Dir en grey's "Vinushka", and I'll say with confidence that I'm glad that they haven't released the uncensored version.

Since I don't own the Average Blasphemy filmography, I don't know the reason for the choice to keep it censored, but I don't need to know. I'm glad that it's still extremely restricted.

I've watched some of their other uncensored PVs, and they're disturbing, but they're fantastical, acted, CGI'd, so it hasn't bothered me much.

But I've seen everything that they included in Vinushka in its fullness. I've seen all the pictures and videos they cropped down. I've seen the paintings and drawings they included. I've walked in those places and heard what those people had to say. My mind fills in the rest of what I can't see, and I don't need anything else.

Unlike Obscure, or Kodou, it's all real. There's no acting and no pretending. Those are real things that happened to real people, and I can't stand to see it again.

I guess I'm just a wimp like that, but once through the Nagasaki and Hiroshima museums is enough for me to understand. Once seeing all those horrible things is more than enough. There's no deleting what was dealt to those people... there is no deleting the responsibility that we as Americans carry for it.

I guess it's all the more sore, considering that this past week was the 65th anniversary of the dropping of the bombs, and no American representative was present at all.

In my Japanese history class last year, when we got to this topic, what everyone else had to say was disheartening to me. I was the only person that had seen those places, heard those stories, seen the pictures and the videos and the remainders. Voicing my opinion, I was basically told I was brainwashed, and that those museums were made for the sole purpose of trying to make people feel sorry and guilty.

Well yes... if you saw the things that happened to those people, and you could see how it still affected them, how could you think that it was the morally right thing to do? It disgusts me that people think that we were in the right to do that.

I don't think any country has any right to do that, even in war. And I especially think we don't have the right to claim that no harm was really done because we're America, and to not take any responsibility for what we caused because it was war. I think we even pretend that it didn't really happen, just because we weren't affected by it.

Those things are real. Those people are real. Those stories are real. And we just don't even care.




If the uncensored version of Vinushka ever comes out, I won't be watching it, but I would think it enlightening to everyone that hasn't been to Nagasaki and Hiroshima to do so. Maybe they would change their minds if they could see the horrors wrought.






Then again, it's America, so probably not.

I LOVE TODAY.

YES I DO 8D

 

 

Okay well morning sucked because I think it was somewhere around 100*F+? And I had to drive to the airport and wait at the airport and drive back from the airport in a car with leather upholstery and no air conditioning. :Db But I survived~

 

I picked up my friend and we had a good chat in Japanese on the way, reaffirming that YES I SUCK AT SPEAKING IT LOL but I can still understand it very well.

 

I dropped Alyssa off at her apartment and ran to work for all of two hours (lol). BUT WHILE AT WORK, IT STARTED RAINING. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN. THE KITCHENS BROUGHT ME A BOX FULL OF CAAAANNDDDYYYYYYYYYY 8D

 

And then after work I went back to Alyssa’s and she gave me presents. AND MORE THAN TODAY IN GENERAL, I LOVE ALYSSA. I LOVE ALYSSA MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW.

 

 

WHY, YOU ASK?

 

BECAUSE.

 

 

 

 

YEAH THAT’S RIGHT FOOCHAS.
SHE FOUND THIS RR MAGAZINE FOR ME.
AND BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
YES, THIS ONE:

 

 

THE ONE WITH YUKI. ALSDKGHLASKDJGKLJSDKLKLXCMVLAKSDHFLJL.
YES SOMEHOW SHE JUST WALKED INTO TOWER RECORDS AND FOUND IT.
WHEN SUPPOSEDLY IT WAS SOLD OUT LIKE WITHIN TWO DAYS OF ITS PRESS
BEING ANNOUNCED?
YEAH. SHE JUST WALKED IN AND FOUND IT. AND BOUGHT IT.
(ERIKA HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR MONTHS AND HAS NOT FOUND IT.)

AND NOT JUST YUKI EITHER.

 

 

IT ALSO HAS EFFING SONO IN IT. SONO. TOORI. DESU. –SHOT!-

 

 

 

 

…… Ahem.

 

 

Oh, and that’s not all either. 8D

 

 

 

 

 

Matenrou Opera’s “ANOMIE”. She bought it for me. alsdkghalskdjgldskjfl.

 

 

And.

 

 

the GazettE’s “DIM”. She also bought this for me. lsakdhglksadglkdfjkl.

 

 

AND.

 

 

Number vol. 5. alskdhgldksjflksjdlf. 8DD

 

 

 

 

AND THEN.

 

 

 

 

MONOCHROME FACTOR VOL. 9 ASLDKGHLKXCZMVLKSDGFKJDSALKFLKHGLJSDLF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALMOST LITERALLY I AM EXPLODING WITH HAPPY.

I THINK I COULD GET HIT BY A TRUCK AND I WOULDN’T EVEN CARE CAUSE I’M SO HAPPY.

 

 

 

 

 

Alyssa, you’re the best. >3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or at least (and funny how this happened as soon as I finished typing all of the above), it was that way until my mom came dancing in to ruin it.

 

I will drown myself in DIM and not pay any attention to her. Or try not to, anyway.

Meanwhile thousands of miles away...

I'm updating my blog after almost a month! Yay!

Yeah, not much has happened. I'm still just working, doing homework, being lazy... that kind of fun stuff. I think guitar is coming together a little bit more now that I've had time to get used to it and get the feel for how it works, so hopefully I'll be able to practice it a little bit more...



I'm still trying to figure out how to get used to the idea of other people helping me. I still have no clue how that works. But apparently, that's what I need.



I've gone through most of my life not having help, not having people be nice to me. So when people are nice to me, and want to help me... I've just never learned how to act.



I need to figure it out.

Rant about Gazerock.

Because I am just that upset about all the shit people are saying about the new GazettE single which, by the way, isn't even out yet.

It's not all that well composed, but it's my feelings, so they're there. May be offensive, may not be. Sorry.









So basically, I sat there trying to figure out what these people's thought process is for saying "Gazerock is dead". And what I came up with was:


"OMG I DIDN'T LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO THIS NEW TRACK GAZEROCK MUST BE DEAD."




Like WTF. Are you for serious? The CD isn't even out yet! How can you judge a CD by one track? Yes, SHIVER isn't the most unforgettable track ever, but it's something that they put thought into, and to expect another DISCHARGE for every title track is just... dumb.




And then I got to thinking.



I'll admit, I've only been listening to GazettE for one year so I suppose I can't claim seniority compared to those who like to throw their "7 years experience" around, but GazettE is a magic band to me. How can they go so long, still have almost all the original members (the "original drummer" bailed out really early on, so as far as I'm concerned Kai is the original drummer), and still sound like GazettE, even though their sound is completely different? (Yeah that's one that takes a minute to get your mind around.)

Someone said, they've switched distributors. X distributor always puts out dumb music. Therefore GazettE will put out dumb music.



Yes, because all dalmatians are dogs so all dogs are dalmatians.




I said, changing distributors means nothing. You haven't even heard the other tracks, so don't go judging. Ruki still believes in the music they're making, so I'm sticking with him. Haters will hate, true fans will wait.






Apparently, I'm the only one who seems to think that way.






So, to the one who said "people say that being a true fan is sticking with the band is the right thing to do, but true fans would really recognize their best material and understand when they're sellouts"...: I'm trying to figure out what you're seeing isn't good in their new material. Is it the hard rock? The edgy sounds? The progressive mixing? The lyric content?



I'm sorry, what's your favourite track that is sooo much better than, I don't know, HEADACHE MAN, which is one of the hardest rock/metal songs they've put out, when when that screaming and headbanging sound so characterizes them? Is your favourite song, perchance, Miseinen, that oh so memorable track with amazing music from way back in the early 2000's?





I'm failing to see how GazettE are "far past their prime" and "sellouts". All bands evolve with time, and they're no idiots as to keep the same erratic and, to be honest, completely unlikeable scritchy sound that makes them seem like they have about a 100,000 yen ($100ish) budget. They're evolving with the times, putting out music that runs parallel to this day and age, rather than staying with that music that, while it's highly individual, sounds amateur and like an alien shoved a probe up their butts.



Oh, and the sellout thing? What's that coming from? The fact that they can fill Saitama Super Arena with people who will show up to see them live, despite the fact that there being that many people means about maybe five hundred of them, at most, will actually be able to see the band? (The Super Arena can be formatted to hold up to 37,000 people, apparently.) The fact that they're ranking in the Oricon charts now? Have you ever thought that maybe there's a reason that's only happened in the last few years?


Oh wait, you'll say it's because they're doing what's "mainstream" and what people love. Nevermind the songs about incest, and criticism of idols (whom people adore more than GazettE), or abortion, or any of that. They're putting out music that everyone can agree with, and that's why they're OMG suddenly so popular.




See, that's what I like about them, personally. Ruki's lyrics are so much more thought-provoking, so much more deep, have so much more meaning and are so full of art and beauty despite the twistedness of all of them now than they were even just five years ago... and that's amazing, especially when you look at all the other "not-so-sellout" artists that are writing generic stuff. Look at Arashi, and SMAP, and Touhoushinki (oh wait they don't exist anymore sorry), and... wow. I drown in genericness that knows no bounds. But apparently GazettE with their cold-cutting words and truth and simple reality is now generic brand to be easily picked up at a pharmacy near you, to take with your Johnny's to feel warm and fuzzy every day.

Oh, and it's not just Ruki either. Listen to the effing music and go find something else that ranks so high in Oricon that sounds like Guren. Uruha and Aoi and Reita and Kai pour their souls into making music. These men work hard, and they're so proud of what they do. Sellouts! Sellouts! They write their own music still! Sellouts!




Okay, seriously guys. Sellouts are people that just put their faces on things and those items will sell like mad, for absolutely no reason.

GazettE is filling effing Saitama Super Arena. Where people can't even see them.





So really, I don't see what these people are saying.



If you don't like the fact that they've gone eight years now, and are still distinctly GazettE in their sound, have stayed together, and are producing more coherent and much stronger music than most bands after this much time, and music that is much more coherent and much stronger than they've ever made before, I'm more convinced that you're a hater than you are a "true fan". If the band is still putting out music that they're writing, that they believe in, that they are putting effort and thought into, then that's all the reason I need to stick with them and listen. But you're saying that Gazerock is dead, because they're mainstream, because every single track isn't OMG mindblowing (like it's always been every track = OMG MINDBLOWING GAAAAHHH right from the very beginning).





Gazerock is far from dead. It's still going, getting stronger and more menacing.


You just jumped off the train early.

It's been awhile.

And I haven't written because the previous post is still pretty much true.

I just don't have much to say about myself, I guess. Nothing exciting happens, really, and I don't think about much.

Thought it is time for me to start trying to figure out exactly what I'm going to do after school, because I only have a couple of years, and I really have no clue.

Also I think I'm pretty sick. Coughing and losing my voice. Whee.

I'm kind of falling apart.

I've never been the type to go out looking for attention, for people to feel sorry for me and offer their help. I think this all started when I did start with help - professional help - and they actually ended up telling my parents everything I said, which is not what I wanted. So I kind of just started doing things on my own, taking my pain silently and without notice, never really letting it out.

But things under pressure will inevitably explode. And I've reached that point. It seems I can't go a week without suffering some sort of meltdown.

I have no one around to really help me. The few people I do feel like talking with say I need to accept help, that I should be all right with the idea that they want to help me.

It's not that I don't love them or trust them... it's that I don't know how to be helped.

When you've gone so long on your own, how do you let other people help you?

I don't know. But I think I'm just caught in a constant, ongoing panic attack.

Blargh!

I haven't been up to much lately! Just been working and trying to do homework and such. I've been working on guitar too, but meh. Versailles takes a lot of energy, so I need to work on some other stuff in the meantime. Maybe some more from GazettE?

I really liked the LOST finale, but it's something that needs some time. I know I can't go back and watch it for at least a little while.



I have nothing to say. D:



.....



JROCK MACROOOOOO!!!!

Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday!　o(^▽^)o


My birthday~!


My birthday...　(((゜A゜;)))



It wass quiet because a lot of my friends are abroad, and my family lives in another state, haha. So not much is going on. But Friday night, I went over to Ashley's house and stayed the night. We watched "The Dark Knight" and made birthday cake. :3 It was fun, so thank you, Ashley~


And yesterday morning, my family called me. Earlier on in the month, when I called them to talk about my birthday, my mom said, "You're old now."


Is that so? (_ _。) That's horrible, mom!


Not much else happened. No one was around so I practiced guitar a lot. I have roughly two-thirds of the basic lines of ASCENDEAD MASTER under my belt. I don't hit every single sixteenth note yet - I just went through to learn all the notes, up to the guitar solos, which will take awhile to learn. I know the chorus after, so basically I have left to learn are those guitar solos and the outro part and I will know it all. It's coming along slowly~ Once I have it all down, I can start out slowly and gradually pick up speed. :3



And that was my birthday. XD




The series finale of "LOST" starts in two hours! I'm so scared! (＠Д＠；

Car stuff

I learned about cars today. It's probably something I should have learned long ago but better late than never.

I went over to say "happy Mother's Day" to my ill grandma and my grandpa offered to check my car to make sure it was in good order for inspections. The car is a Ford Taurus and is ten (or eleven?) years old now. Not the best car out there, but it's been decent to me and I didn't have to buy it, so I don't complain. I actually like it. For most of the year it's very comfortable.

Anyway. I learned about the engine oil, radiator, power steering fluid, brake fluid, and windshield fluid. Basic stuff but now I at least know where all of it is and how to make sure it's all in order.

I love my grandpa, he's the best.








I need to start carrying around my actual camera デスヨネー∬゜Д゜∬

-shot-

Guitar stuff!

I　HAVE PICTURES.






This is my guitar! ESP LTD F-10, 24-fret and gothic-body electric guitar. I've nicknamed it Terukichi, after my guitar hero TERU. :D
これ、私のギターですわ～　２４フレットとゴシック体ESP LTD F-10のエレギターです。私のギター・ヒーロのあと、「テルキチ」といいます。　（笑）

TERU's guitar is the best! xD!
TERUさんのギターは最高！

So far I've only been playing the GazettE (I have Taion, Chizuru, and Filth in the Beauty under my belt), but that's because I was waiting for something else.
これまで、the GazettEさんの音楽(体温、千鶴、とFilth in the Beauty)しか引きませんが、それは他の物を待っていますから。





... THIS. Versailles' "JUBILEE" scorebook! My dad kindly bought it for my birthday and it arrived just this morning. I'm so excited! The guitar parts will be hard, but I'm going to do my best.
コレです！VersaillesさんのJUBILEEスコアブックです！父が私の誕生日のために買いました、今朝このスコアブックが来ました。気が立ちますよ～　ギター・パートは難しそうんですが、頑張りますよ～



So I should probably practice more.
練習はもっとすればいいのね。　




Goodbye! ε=┏( ・_・)┛

Il Pleure Dans Mon Coeur

I feel the need to scream and cry and beat stuff and maybe even tear myself up. Only I can't, cause my body won't let me. And for most of the time, that's a-okay. But I think everything that I've kept in over the years, everything that I haven't been able to talk about, all the stress and all the secrets... I think it's time it all comes out.

But it can't.

My cheekbones feel like they're burning.

Finals - OVER!

They're done! And I didn't fail my grammar class! 8D I got a C in it! I'm so happy. I thought for sure that was an F class.

I've started my new position at work as lead student. I'm basically in charge of the building while everyone else goes away, in between shifts of the supervisors. It's really cool but really nervewracking, at least right now. What if something bad happens?! ∬゜Д゜∬ But it feels nice to have that kind of responsibility. :)

I have my guitar now! *___* So awesome. I don't have good pictures at the moment but I'll try to get some soon. Here's a quick phone-shot of it when I was just getting it out of the box:




But, guitar-related, I was looking through a tab of Lareine's "Métamorphose" and this is the layout for each part:




English Horn for the vocal part? |D Of all instruments, why that one? That cracks me up.

Away~

Failed.

My grammar final.

With 52%.

Sadly, this is the best score I've gotten on an exam in this class.

Maybe the teacher will see that I've improved over time and curve the grade so I end up with a D?

-fails-

Life hates me, and I hate life. -slinks back into room-

Finals, Winter '10

I seriously think I'm about to lose my mind.

I don't understand this grammar. At all. The practice exam asks me to "choose the option that describes why the superior passage is superior", but when I go through and look at the answers, half of them describe why the inferior passage is inferior. It sounds like it should make sense, but it doesn't. Not to me, anyway.

The test is tomorrow. I'm resigning myself to the fact I'm going to fail it and have to take the goddamn class all over again.

And this is how I feel about it:

Everlasting Dream

Choose the setting of "Shuffle".

The answer to the question is the name of the current song.

Skip to the next song when on the next question.



1. What do you want to be when you grow up?:

"Illuminati" by Malice Mizer

[YESH 8D!]



2. What kind of dreams do you have?:

"Tenjou he no Kakehashi wo" by Matenrou Opera

[Dreams about the bridge to heaven, apparently. :Db]



3. What do you think of Christmas?:

"Exclude" by Moi dix Mois

[D8 Well I suppose as the oldest I am somewhat excluded...]



4. What are your current thoughts?:

"Birdcage -live-" by GACKT

[I'M CAGED D8.]



5. What would you say to the person you liked?:

"In A Little While" by U2

[XD!]



6. What do people think of you?:

"The Revenant Choir" by Versailles

[I came back from the dead and I sing a lot.]



7. What is you favorite possession?:

"Innocence" by alice nine.

[Interesting...]



8. What do you do in the evenings?:

"To Go Beyond, Pt. 2" by Enya

[I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL I SWEAR 8Db.]



9. How do you say goodbye to your friends?:

"Blue Planet" by alice nine.

["Go! Return the planet to its beauty! Be green!.... erm, blue! 8D!"]



10. How do you say goodbye to the person you like?:

"Soaring Awakening" by Art Cube

[I woke up and realized I didn't like you anymore.]



11. What would you use to kill someone?:

"Hishuu no Hanazono "Ketsubetsu no Bara" ~L'adieu Avec Le Passe~" by Lareine

[KAMIJO'S HIDEOUSLY LONG TITLES AND LAREINENESS. I WOULD NOT FAIL.]



12. What would you like you boyfriend / girlfriend to be?:

"Shadows Temple" by Moi dix Mois

[A ruined cathedral, apparently. ... Actually, I can see myself doing that. O_o'']



13. What do you think of life?:

"Eternal Love" by Lareine

[..........LIES.]



14. What do you do for your friends on their birthday?:

"Whatya Want From Me" by Adam Lambert

[YOU EXPECTED A PRESENT? YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY FOR YOU? PAH!]



15. Who is your best friend?:

"Kimi Ja Nakya Dame Nanda!" by Kimeru

[It must be Kimeru, since apparently he can't live without me. O_o'')



16. What does it smell like?:

"SPEED OF RISE" by Lareine

[I DON'T KNOW BUT IT MUST BE COOL]



17. What do you often shout to people?:

"Silly God Disco" by the GazettE

[I am the Silly God, so whatever issues from my mouth is therefore the Disco.]



18. What is you current mood?:

"Returner ~Yami no Shuuen~" by GACKT

[Emo. ;A;]



19. What did you do last night?:

"Queen of Decadence" by Schwarz Stein

[I have nothing to say for this. ;D]



20. Which possession do you use most often?:

"Saint Croix" by Juka

[Indeed it is! -highfives Juka!-]



21. What did you do last time you got drunk?:

"apres midi ~Aru Paris no Gogo de~" by Malice Mizer

[I went to Paris for the afternoon.]



22. What is the meaning of a funeral?:

"Regret" by Malice Mizer

[Thinking of all the things you should have done and said while they were alive. :(]



23. What are you scared of?:

"UNEXPECTED" by HYDE

[OMG SO TRUE D8]



24. What hurts you the most?:

"Blue Romance" by Lareine

[If it was Red Romance, though, it would be completely different...]



25. What do you want to do when you see a school teacher?:

"Oz to Majo" by Asriel

[If only I was a witch... muahaha... I mean... :|]



26. What has one of your friends done?:

"REDEMPTION" by GACKT

[O_o I hope...so...?]



27. Where is your newest teddy bear?:

"Metaphysical" by Moi dix Mois

[Having an existential crisis.]



28. Your boyfriend / girlfriend is?:

"Forbidden" by Moi dix Mois

[TRUTH D8!!!]



29. Your favorite food is?:

"Psycho Butterfly" by Kaya

[YUM.]



30. What do you hate the most?:

"The Count of Tuscany" by Dream Theater

[He didn't give me free food.]



31. What do you think of the quiz so far?:

"Metamorphose" by Asriel

[D:]



32. What do you spend the night doing?:

"Dive Into The Heart" by Kimeru

[YES.]


33. What do you get sick of doing?:

"Todokanai Omoi" by Juka

[Having people not understand. ;A; Truth.]



34. Where is your best friend now?:

"Storm" by GACKT

[OH NOES DDD8!!!!!]



35. Angels or devils?:

"Abomo Shiro Dracula" by Aikaryu

[Devils, I guess? O.o WHY DO I EVEN HAVE AIKARYU OH WAIT I REMEMBER.]



36. What do you say to anyone who enters your house?:

"I Fall Down" by U2

[WATCH ME WATCH ME!!!]



37. What are your favorite lessons at school?:

"BAROQUE" by Malice Mizer

[YES. 8D!!!]



38. What do you think of people in general?:

"Night Breed" by Moi dix Mois

[THEY ARE EVIL.]



39. When was the worst day of your life?:

"Bara ga Utsukushiku Ochiru" by Lareine

[When the roses died! ;A; ;A;]



40. What was the last thing you said to someone?:

"Unknown Caller" by U2

[Not too far from the truth, actually...]



41. Do you play an instrument?:

"Fuyu Tokyo" by Lareine

[ALL OF TOKYO IS MY INSTRUMENT.]



42. What do you want at the moment?:

"Last Hallucination" by Schwarz Stein

[O_o]



43. What do you want to do right now?:

"Happy Euology" by Sugar Trip

[WHY DO I STILL HAVE SUGAR TRIP ON MY COMPUTER]



44. What did you buy yesterday?:

"Hydrangea" by Kaya

[Pretty~!]



45. What do you think of me?:

"Ai Senshi" by GACKT

[You are a warrior of sadness...? Does that make sense? D:]



46. What do you think of your neighbors?:

"Forsaken" by Dream Theater

[8D?]



47. What do you think of heaven and hell?:

"mermaid" by XOVER

[WHUT.]



48. What is your biggest goal?:

"Time Machine" by alice nine.

[YES! YES! 8D!!!]



49. What do you enjoy experiencing?:

"ASCENDEAD MASTER" by Versailles

[VERSAILLES ARE THE ASCENDE(A)D MASTERS THAT WILL LEAD ME TO THE PROMISED LAND OF HAPPINESS YAY I ENJOY EXPERIENCING THEIR MUSIC WHICH WILL LEAD ME THERE TO BE WITH THEM YAY 8DDD!!!! /spazy but that worked out so very well.]



50. What will you re-post this as?:

"Everlasting Dream" by HIZAKI grace project

[:Db]

Finally! Keigo's back!

After almost a year of being broken, I finally got my first laptop, AtobeKeigo-Sama, back. FINALLY. I have missed this laptop soooo much! ;A;

Now... to just restore a whole bunch of programs and such. Whee. =_=



THIS CALLS FOR GACKT JAZZ HANDS! 8D!!!





Well... I guess those are jazz hands?

Anyway.

YAY.

April Fool's Day

It sucks. Life decided it was going to pull a huge April Fool's on me and it's certainly having its laugh.

About the only thing really making me happy today is the fact that I got to listen to VII-Sense's new album, "Black Bird", and it's awesome. Whee, Shaura and Mikage~! :3




BATMAN!KAMIJO WILL MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.







YEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!

So apparently...

... the Japanese male fantasy is to be pretty, weak, passive, tortured, emotional, and sexy, according to the notes on the board. That actually explains a lot about characters in books and television shows and such.


I, on the other hand, want a Japanese man like this:

DANCE AOI DANCE!

All my insides want to be on my outside.

Still. I'm not sure why. I think I need to start asking what's in food to see if there's any common thing that I've eaten in the last week. Of course, it could always be all those accursed vegetables. But who would know.

I'm looking forward to Lashy coming over tomorrow so we can be friendly and talk and comfort and other stuff like that. Because I really need cuddling from people that aren't over fifty years old. I need to cuddle and talk with people that are more likely to understand me.

Please hurry, Lashy. ;A;

Just a couple more weeks of school. And I should get my tax returns back in a couple of weeks, and then I can buy an awesome guitar! My Jubilee scorebook will be here around then too. Then, after finals are over, I can spend my summer working and learning symphonic metal. Yay!

VISUAL KEI MOMENT OF THE DAY:

Seriously, these two are so cute. Teru's smile FTW. I would bite Kamijo too, if he was sticking his fingers in my face all the time. XD

Mah.

My grandma is sick and so am I, but we seem to have two different kinds of sickness. Mine is stomach sickness. I feel like I'm constantly being punched in the stomach. She has a cough. But maybe they're related somehow.

Just three more weeks and the semester is over! alsdkghjkf. I'm so excited. I'm ready for a good long summer where I have time to just sit around and relax.

I mean, basically all my friends will be gone. ¬__¬ But that's okay. I'll still have Lashy~ And my guitar. And Elo will be around for awhile, I think. So I'll make it through.

Next week I'll have my phone interview for my internship. I don't know how I feel about it, but we'll see how it goes. ;A;

I don't want to think about finals.

Blah.

So I pretty much just fail at updating about my life. Probably because I don't really HAVE a life. OH THAT MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM.

Well there's just one more month and then I am done with finals, yay! And it shall be summertime. I'll be taking classes over the summer, but they'll be online, so I can do them whenever whereever.

And I'm buying my own electric guitar soon! Yay! I wanted to form a visual-kei band to perform at Asian cultural events and such on-campus. Now that I can play the guitar and will be able to get my own, that dream will come true soon, hopefully.

Too bad my bassist is taking off for the summer. -shakes a fist in her direction-




VISUAL KEI MOMENT OF THE DAY:


Teru is so cute when he sings, simply because he's so bad at it. Actually he's already cute but... awww. Look at how tiny he is! >w< He's amazing to be able to keep playing music like that and be distracted by Kamijo at the same time. 8D Yay!

(Teru is my guitar hero. |D)

Almost there!

My history final is on Monday. After that, Modern Japanese History is over. I can't say I got an A, but... I think for having basically no history background, and not being a history or international relations major, I managed pretty well.

I'll get back around to doing fun things in life next weekend, after the history final and grammar midterm. :) Less stress is good for me.

Someone else started doing Monochrome Factor scanslations. Whatever. They can do them. They can do the fast scans and now I can do mine at my own speed, hopefully.

Ah~. I want some chocolate.

Midterm

IT IS ALMOST THERE. AND I AM ALMOST DONE WITH MY HISTORY CLASS WHEE~

Then I can kind of have a life again! And see friends! And do fun things! And focus on practicing guitar! :D Yay!

Happy Singles' Awareness Day! Or Valentine's Day, if you have someone special. I don't, so... I greet for myself, I suppose.

Overwhelming.

School is so overwhelming sometimes. But taking a class on the block was my idea...

I've been learning a lot. That's the most important thing to me, really.

Unfortunately the university demands a specific GPA from me, so there's that to worry about.

Ah... life is hard when there's lots to do.

I decided to write my final paper on the miyabi of the imperial court and how all things enrich the culture of a country. It's the closest thing I could get to what I want.

Two more weeks of history class.

Happiness is...

...Having lots of music from your favourite band. :D












Yay Versailles!

Well, that failed.

I should treat this like TERU's Ameblo account or something. And just post random little things rather than entirely coherent and thoughtful thoughts. I guess that's what a blog is for? Who knows.

My history class is halfway over! It's getting so busy! ;A; But it will be done in a month and then school will (presumably) be easy.

Waiting for my copy of Versailles' "Jubilee" to arrive. Waiting is no fun.

I should draw more.