I'm kind of falling apart.

I've never been the type to go out looking for attention, for people to feel sorry for me and offer their help. I think this all started when I did start with help - professional help - and they actually ended up telling my parents everything I said, which is not what I wanted. So I kind of just started doing things on my own, taking my pain silently and without notice, never really letting it out.

But things under pressure will inevitably explode. And I've reached that point. It seems I can't go a week without suffering some sort of meltdown.

I have no one around to really help me. The few people I do feel like talking with say I need to accept help, that I should be all right with the idea that they want to help me.

It's not that I don't love them or trust them... it's that I don't know how to be helped.

When you've gone so long on your own, how do you let other people help you?

I don't know. But I think I'm just caught in a constant, ongoing panic attack.