WTF...

So... it's my mom's parents' 50th anniversary in a couple of weeks. For a present, my aunt had an idea for everyone in the family to write a little something, and we'd compile it all into a book to give to my grandparents to show them how all of us appreciate their marriage.


Since I've been really busy being sick and writing papers, and since I have memory deficiency and I don't remember much, I just wrote a short little bit about trips that the family used to take down to Lake Powell when I was younger. It was when the family was not quite so big, and I mentioned how nice it was to just have that close and bonding experience. I sent it off to my aunt. I got this back from her (copy and pasted straight from Gmail):


"I don't know if you were mad with me or if you are unhappy with something that I've done or said. I actually read your letter today and I couldn't tell if it was reflective of your feelings of me or our family in general. I felt bad that with all the memories you would have of Grandma and Grandpa and all they've done that this is what you want published in a book for Grandpa to read on his 50th wedding anniversary. This is meant for them...Grandma and Grandpa...as a way of seeing what their union has meant to each of us, not as a way to come forward with personal issues towards members of our family. Let me know if you would like to put any more thought into it."




WTF woman.




So I wrote another one. Hopefully this one seems "nicer" to her. Otherwise I will just not be in the book, which is a damn shame to everyone except for me, I guess. But if she's going to take personal offense at everything I do (not unusual for that side of the family), so be it.


I guess that's just the way I'll always be to them.

HALLOWEEN.

I don't celebrate, but I did some makeup effects and called it a day.

 

 

 

 

 

RUKIPPOI.

 

 

 

In other news, I have my school schedule for next term:

 

10-10:50 Reading Modern Japanese Documentary Styles MWF

11-11:50 Modern American Usage of Grammar MWF

12-12:50 Masterpieces of World Literature MWF

14-14:50 Career Strategies MW

15-15:50 Christian History MW

 

 

YAAAAY SCHOOL.

 

 

 

I really like these neck slashes, I should do them more often.

Research Paper

I'm taking a break from working on the proposal for my semester research paper, an assignment for my advanced writing class. It's been a rough go trying to figure out what I'm going to write about, since my major is a language. I guess there's one other girl in my class that as a language major - Spanish - and since there are about ten times more Spanish classes than there are Japanese classes it's been easy for her.


She decided she's going to write about history. I've decided I'm going to write about the GazettE.


Yes, laugh at me if you want, but there's such a nice breath of fresh air about those men, Ruki in particular. He doesn't care about social conventions about keeping things under the table. He wants to put things out in the open, where people can see and talk about them. There are so many things in his lyrics that you can't find almost anything on in Japanese news just because of censorship and social convention that you don't talk about it. He takes a strong stance and doesn't back down when backlash strikes.


It's something important, something that needs to be done. I'm all for keeping custom and tradition, but that doesn't mean that ignoring the problem will make it go away.


So the basis of my research paper is the GazettE's album "DIM" and the issues it talks about in its lyrics. Some of them, just so there's an idea, are pieces about abortion, murder, anger, emotional abuse, and the like. I'm excited to work out my paper on interpreting them and how the band's personal opinions have helped shape this.


the GazettE will be pulling in upwards of $2,000,000 with ticket sales for this year's tour. They're important and prolific, despite their status as "heretics" and "social riot machines". Let's give some attention to them and what they have to say.



That's why they're doing it, after all.

Sick.

So last night, I was attempting to go to sleep, feeling very awake and anxious. I was experiencing the wonderful swelling flush of the niacin tablet I had taken (good times, everyone, you should try it) when sudden stabbing pain began ripping at my lower abdomen.

I figured it would go away, but it kept coming, harder and more painful. I went to the bathroom, where my body purged itself several times before I could stagger back to my room and try to climb up on my bed. At this point I was in so much pain I was writhing around to try to ease my muscles.

My roommates came in at one in the morning to see if I was okay, and after watching me, one went to get painkillers while the other called my home teachers to come and give me a blessing. My teachers came at one thirty and entered my room (against university contract, but I couldn't move because I was in too much pain) to give me a blessing.

I managed to hold still as they were blessing me, though I was still experiencing a pain like someone shoving a knife up into me from between my legs and through my stomach and back. When they had finished, they gave my roommates instructions to call if I needed any more help before they left. My roommates decided that if I wasn't feeling better within a half hour, they were going to take me to the hospital.

Luckily, the pain subsided quickly after that, and I spent the rest of the night drifting in and out of sleep, weak and sore with a turbulent stomach.

That's why I'm writing this blog instead of being in class right now.



I never would have thought to call my home teachers, but for my roommates it was one of the first things they asked me. I'm glad they had the faith and the belief to do that, because I do believe that blessing is what made me feel as good as I do now. I'm still sick, but I'm not writhing around in pain.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but if it comes back, it's good to know people of faith are willing to help me exercise mine.

What I Need to Work On.

Accepting help.

I've been saying it for a long time, but it's only in the last little while people have been telling me, "We're trying to help, but you won't let us."


I'm going to start telling myself, before I react to offers of help or anything like it, that it's okay to accept help.

I guess I've just been going so long without taking help that I don't know what to do.



So I'm going to start saying, "It's okay. Let them help." and then accept it as best I can.


It'll be a struggle, but it will be better for me if I humble myself and let people take care of me, because I really can't take care of myself.




I'm not one of these people that wants to always be a dependent. I don't want to rely on people all my life, I don't want to live in my family's house, I don't want to always have to be getting help to get through life. I want to be an independent person that can take care of myself.

But now is clearly not a time I'm able to do that.




I'm going to accept help.

Even if it's going to be struggle for me.

I don't want to keep making the people that care about me worry anymore.