No Knife-Play, Children + Last Mad Uni-Application Rush!

Yes, children. Playing with knives is bad.

Not that I did play with knives, just that I probably didn't handle one responsibly. The result? Me cutting off the side of my finger with a bread knife, about half an inch long by three-quarters of an inch tall. The bleeding was pretty bad, but it almost stopped by ten that evening, so all in all it wasn't too bad an injury. Had it been worse, I really would have been in a fix. All I have to do now is keep it protected, keep it clean, not use it, and wait for it to heal. If I'm lucky, it'll only be a couple of months.

Though, to be honest, typing with only nine fingers is a pain.

Aside from that, I'm just on my last university application leg - the scholarships. Now, I've not really a chance of getting a scholarship, but I'm going to try for it anyway. It would be sooo nice to not have to worry about paying the full tuition. I wouldn't mind even a half-tuition scholarship, so long as I don't pay the full thing. It would be especially helpful since I'm planning on applying to Tokyo and Osaka for university as well, so the less I have to pay, the more I have for Japan.

I hate writing essays though, more so when I'm only given a 300-word limit. My biggest temptation is just to write, "Since I don't have enough space to truly fulfill the expectation..." but I refrain myself. I will write good essays, with the help of my amazingly smart father, and hopefully, hopefully, get a scholarship.

Speaking of university, that reminds me... I need to be getting a laptop sometime soon. Save my pennies, I must. No more entertainment budget for me until that's bought.

So now I must away, to treat my wound. I can hardly wait to go back to my swords classes and be lectured. "How can you cut your finger that badly when you're a bluebelt in gumdo?!" they shall demand.

Really... let me practice with a serrated sword the size of a bread knife and maybe that accident won't happen.

Listening to: "Koi no Gekidasa -Ecstasy-" by Tachikiritai
Eating: Gingerbread men
Reading: Godchild vol. 7, by Yuki Kaori
Watching: Prince of Tennis ep. 9 - The Hard Day

Christmastime has come (and gone)

Merry Christmas, Meri Kurisumasu, Mele Kelikimaka, and Shèndànjĭe kuàilè! (Though a little late…)

It’s Christmastime! The year seems to have passed so quickly. It just a little more than a year ago that I returned home from my six-month-spree in Europe. Then, we only had about a week and a half to prepare for Christmas. This year I was prepared almost three weeks ago, so yay for me!

Presents I received are:

-A digital camera with a 1GB memory card (from Santa)
-A fan and a tiny Asian tea cup (from my sister)
-A sketchbook (from my younger brother)
-Incense, with a traditional incense holder (from my other brother… er… thanks, it’s a cool present, but I’m a little unsure as to what to do with it. I’ll have to go find a Taoist shrine or something)
-Bamboo plant (from my parents. I’ll call this one Sengoku and hope that it doesn’t die as easily as Fuji, my cactus, did)
-A Rachael Ray cookbook and a photo printer, to all the kids (from my parents)
-3 Kimeru singles (the ones that came out this year – “with you”, “Kimi Janakya Dame Nanda!” and “Junk beat”, from both my grandparents)
-Vampire Knight, volumes 1 and 2 (from my aunt and uncle)
-Gift card to the movie theatre (from my aunt and uncle)
-The Art of Japanese Prints (from my aunt – that will be very handy indeed)
-A new Sunday outfit (from my grandparents)
-An angel ornament (from my grandparents)
-Jewelry (from my cousin)
-Lots of candy and cookies! (from my entire family, as well as friends)
-Slippers (from my grandparents)
-Gackt: The Greatest Filmography 1999-2006, both Red and Blue (from my friends, as a thank-you for everything I lend them. Yet to get this one, but I will get it, eventually.)
-A whole lot of Finnish-souvenir stuffs (from my Finnish cousin. *hugs her* I loves them!)

So, not a bad haul at all :D I’m especially excited about the Kimeru CDs, since I love that man to death and I was seriously afraid I wouldn’t be getting any. Though, no calendar though I had asked several different people for one. V_V I'm making my own now, though, so it'll be fine.

Despite my obvious Japanese media-related fix, I’m still wanting some more. Perhaps I’ll call into the bookstore and order myself a DVD or two. I might as well enjoy myself now, ne? I’ll now have to be saving my monies for a laptop though. I’m just a few hundred off from having enough to buy a pretty good one, so as long as I don’t go crazy and go on a shopping spree, I should have that by time next term is over. :D Hurray!

Though, I like Christmas best for the family moments. It’s very rare I get to see basically anyone in my family, much less everyone all together in the same place. We always have so much fun joking with each other, catching up, and talking, that Christmas is my favourite holiday just to be able to see everyone again. Sure, I don’t get along with everyone all that well, but that’s another charm of the holiday – for just a few hours, we can put all our differences aside and enjoy each other’s company, for what it’s worth. It’s too bad we can’t do that most of the year… that’s what makes this time that much more special.

So, spread the joy and love! Help someone, smile at a stranger, say hi to someone. In fact, try to do it every day. Let’s have these special moments last all year. :) I hope everyone’s had a great holiday, and that we’re all looking forward to the new year.

Listening to: "Junk beat" by Kimeru
Eating: Christmas cookies :3
Reading: Heart of Darkness help packet
Watching: Musical Tennis no Oujisama - The Imperial Match Hyoutei Gakuen in Winter 2005-2006

Before the Vacation, there is Homework

I think I now know what it feels like to be a mother, who works part-time and goes to school. For the past few days, I've had to:

- Go to school
- Go to work (nine hours total)
- Take care of five "children" (their names are Mickey, Sparrow, Princess, Nero, and Miksi), who, even after I clean up after them, feed them, play with them, etc., continue to whine and whine and whine.
- Have a social life (or at least attempt to)
- Run errands
- Fix a car (or at least make the problem go away for a few hours... my tire has a hole in it)
- Clean the house
- Cook dinner

Yet, there's something satisfactory about it. After my first day, which involved all of the above, having finally sat down to eat after the long, long day, I noticed something. It felt very good to eat a meal that I had just prepared for myself, in a kitchen that I had just cleaned. I had done everything I said I would do that day. I felt very proud of myself, despite the tiredness, and despite the fact that the saying "food doesn't taste as good when you eat it alone" is true, after all. Being able to do everything I told myself I was definitely going to do that day gave me a sense of self-satisfaction, that I might just possibly be ready to be out on my own.

Yesterday was about the same, minus the school part.

Today, though, is the homework marathon day. Sunday always is, but since this is the last week before Christmas break, there are a great many tests and papers due this week that I need to work on. You don't believe me? Here, then:

Whiteboard ga uso o tsukanai yo - the whiteboard doesn't lie. That's a list of everything I -must- have done before school starts on Tuesday. Including memorizing all that Chinese, which may seem easy (especially since I'm fairly familiar with Japanese) but it's NOT. Believe me.

Still not convinced?

There's just a quick snapshot of it all. That book on the upper left? Half of my Art History textbook. Yeah. Just half of it. I need to take notes on the Roman Art section, then do a complete vocab-writing, summary, and report on the Chinese art section.

The book on the lower left? Chinese book. I need to be able to repeat everything from that chapter from memory. Yays.

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad and literature notes on the upper right. Deep-read Heart of Darkness, find symbolism, irony, theme, and review elements of literature. Study notes.

And finally, biology notes. Genetics chapter, show genetic crosses and work out story problems.

Hurray, and that's not all.

Studying Japanese, for when I apply to go to Tokyo for uni in about a year! Not just the language, but history too. Yes, I must be able to remember everything in that middle book.

And then there's translations. May not seem necessary, but it sure is helpful to getting to know sentence structure, verb tense and endings, vocabulary, word flow, etc.


So that's what I'm doing from when I get home from church basically until I go to bed, minus quick breaks, taking care of the "children", dinner, etc. Getting the biology homework and art history homework done today would be ideal, so that's what I'm aiming for, at the very least. If I can get those done, with the Chinese, then all I have to work on is reading Heart of Darkness tomorrow. Sounds good to me. I can stand a lighter workload.

Quick little anime-watching update, to anyone that may care - FINALLY got out of the VS. American Junior Invitational Team arc. 32 episodes of pointless torture are no more, and Tezuka has finally, finally re-joined the Seigaku tennis team after 89 episodes of absence. (How I have managed to make it this far without falling out of the fandom from all this pointless crap boggles my mind...) Now it's just the final streak to the end of the anime and through the seventeen OVA episodes, and I'll be done with Tennis no Oujisama. Until more OVA episodes are released, at least. I started watching "Meine Liebe", which is amazingly good, "Wolf's Rain", and "Ouran High School Host Club" (one of my new favourites).

And thus, I must go get ready for church. I'm playing violin today for prelude music. I'm just a little bit worried about that part.


Listening to: "Dona Dona ~type T mix~" by Suwabe Junichi
Eating: Nothing, for now
Reading: Biology notes
Watching: Well... when I take a quick break, I'll be watching Tennis no Oujisama episode 166 - Seigaku's Specialty, Again.

Get the grades, lose something more precious...?

My grades have raised up to a somewhat-satisfactory level, finally, weeks after my single day of absence... on my easy, B-day of school. One day gone, and all my grades in those classes dropped to C's. Finally, they're edging back up into the B's.

However, this means that I can't afford to miss even one day of school for the rest of the term. Think: if B-day was my easy day, and my grades dropped that low after missing one day, what would it be like to miss one A-day, where I have two AP classes and one college-level media class?

This means that I can't go to my great-grandmother's memorial service, which is taking place this weekend. The rest of my family will be going, and I will be staying to ensure my grades don't dip back down that low just weeks before the end of term, when they will be completely unsalvageable.

It's really sad that I can't afford to miss even one day of school, especially for something this important to me. This is my great-grandma we're talking about... the great-grandma that lived to be 101 years old. I didn't get to see her much, since we lived so far apart, but she's still a part of me, and I remember the little time I did get to have with her fondly. She was a very big role model to me, through her optimistic and outgoing, faithful personality. Now she's gone, and I can't even go to bid her my last good-bye.


It seems like an unfair trade, doesn't it?

Ridiculously Ridiculous Morning

I love my car very much. It is a cherry-red '00 Taurus with leather seats and a lovely sound system, complete with CD player, owned by my kind and generous grandparents before they bought a new car. It has an electric keytab with all the nifty features - lock, unlock, horn, trunk open. I call it "Vincent", since my brother rejected the names "Eiji" and "Kikumaru" and even "Kikoman". I did try for "Bunta" but... well, that's another story.

But as I went out this morning to go to school, something was very wrong with Vincent. He wouldn't unlock when I pressed the magic button, and my keys wouldn't go all the way in. When I did somehow (miraculously) manage to unlock him, the doors wouldn't open.

It appeared poor Vincent had been frozen shut due to the astoundingly cold weather we've gotten in the past few days. All the doors were frozen solidly shut, though the trunk was not. Taking advantage of this fact, I attempted to climb into Vincent from the trunk (since the backseat of the car can open into the trunk). However, it appeared even the inside was frozen as I could not get the seat to budge.

Luckily, I have a very good father who came to my rescue. He bravely strode out into the frigid morning air, looked at Vincent for a second, and then proceeded to pound the living daylights out of Vincent's driver door with an iron fist.

The door opened, and I thanked my father as I retrieved my windshield scraper from the floor of the car to rid Vincent of the frost that covered all the windows. Only, the frost wouldn't come off. It seemed a little too fond of him - it just wouldn't go away.

I had to ponder for a second before I went inside and got a pitcher full of tepid water and flung it all over Vincent, having put the wipers on full-speed. That worked, so I threw it over the back windshield as well, put the pitcher back inside, and climbed into the car, ready to go.

Only, the very little bit of water remaining on the windshield froze solid as well.

It was a moment I thought I could laugh and then cry. It was absolutely ridiculous. How could this happen? I was innocently going to school - is it too hard for the world to work with me to help get me there? To add to the mounting ridiculousness, on the way to school an XL truck pulled out right in front of me. I did make it to school all right (thank goodness for reflexes), and it warmed up enough during the day so the ice melted by the time school was over. Still, point was taken. Violence and throwing water does solve problems.

Hurray for ridiculous mornings.

Tennis no Oujisama Ep. 143-145 - Thoughts

I surely didn’t think that a blog on what I watch would be one of my very first, but these three episodes of Tennis no Oujisama, or The Prince of Tennis, have proved to be rather thought-provoking. To me, at least. Though I don’t appreciate the plot of this specific arc (which I have classified as basically-pointless filler episodes while the manga advances far enough for the anime to continue the actual storyline), I have recognized, at this point, the potent plot point that these episodes have presented.

Of course, any person may read into something differently, but this is my view and my thoughts on the mentioned three episodes.

I’ve personally believed, ever since episode 25 of this series (if not earlier), that the main character, Echizen Ryoma, shares a special relationship with his tennis club captain Tezuka Kunimitsu, platonic or romantic (your choice), that transcends the boundaries and emotions that the relationships of other partnerships in the entirety of the canon posses. The two seem to understand each other on a higher level, to the point where they need not say anything to each other, or even look at each other. In fact, some of the most potent scenes from the earlier half of the series where these two are together, they don’t speak a word in each other’s presence.

There’s a sort of feel about seeing Tezuka and Ryoma standing quietly together that gives me a feeling of the importance of their relationship with each other. The relationship has become a more implicit subplot that has spanned this entire series, though it is constantly displayed throughout the episodes, and after episode 26 it is hard to find an opening or ending song where the two are not engaged with each other somehow. Even when Tezuka leaves for Germany in episode 75, his influence and presence in the back of Ryoma’s mind serves to propel the younger boy forward throughout the sixty-five episodes that Tezuka is absent from the main plot. I have become so comfortable with, and so fond of, this important element of the story that it has become, in essence, my favourite part of the entire series.

So, perhaps you can imagine my shock and slight distress to see the relationship beginning to crumble, fed by Ryoma’s selfish desire to be able to progress past the wall that is Tezuka. Tezuka, who is usually the only person that can control Ryoma’s behavior, has no luck in trying to steer Ryoma back onto the path that he needs to follow at the given time. He even refuses a promise of a future rematch, surely in hopes that Ryoma would realize his responsibility as his chosen heir to the title of Seishun Gakuen’s (Seigaku’s) Pillar of Strength to continue on his way until the time to take that title is right. As Ryoma continues to shirk Tezuka’s guidance, you can slowly but surely see the effects on both of them. Tezuka withdraws almost completely from Ryoma (though he continues to watch from a distance), and Ryoma becomes irritable and disobedient (also watching the captain’s back from distance). It gets to the point where Ryoma not silently refuses but does as he’s told anyway, but flat-out refuses Tezuka’s careful instruction.

I, despite being as horrified as I was, can completely understand the reason Tezuka, in perhaps a last gesture of desperation to try and drive realization into his charge’s head, knocks Ryoma to the ground. This doesn’t mean my heart didn’t stop for a second. It’s one of those moments when the animated characters become so real-life it hurts. The look of hurt on Ryoma’s face and the coldly smouldering light in Tezuka’s eyes have sent me into a meditation.

I did try to laugh it off, laugh at myself at being so silly and for taking something like that so seriously. However, that scene where Tezuka coldly slaps Ryoma has been replaying in my mind, over and over and over. It did finally knock some sense into Ryoma, as he silently followed Tezuka off the courts, and it’s obvious he took the slap deeply to heart. The next day he walks around looking a bit lost, a bit angry, upset. When coming upon Ryoma the next day, Atobe Keigo told Ryoma to “be obedient and go home with his tail between his legs”, which, in my opinion, describes the way Ryoma looks.

It doesn’t seem like it was any easier on Tezuka, who, when confronted by an admirer of Ryoma’s the next day, basically tells her he’s had no choice but to drop Ryoma from the team in an effort to show Ryoma the way. He describes Ryoma as having lost something important, having completely lost his way. The quietly upset look on his face when she replies that he’s always understood Ryoma was hauntingly touching.

That slap seems to have knocked some things into place in my head as well.

So, what happens when such an important relationship begins to fall apart? What does it take to work through the kinks and knots that are naturally part of anything in life? I know most people have overlooked the importance of this specific relationship, but when you look deeper than the surface it’s easy to tell how much one means to the other.

Though I can’t say that I’ve ever been in a relationship that’s possibly as deep as the one Tezuka and Ryoma share, I know how much it can hurt when someone stops trying to work with you, stops trying to support your relationship and just lets it crash to the floor. It hurts when someone betrays your trust. When someone you feel so close to decides that whatever they share with you just isn’t worth it anymore, whether it be abrupt or slowly over time, if you feel close to that person, no matter what the reason, no matter how they do it, it still hurts.

I’ve felt like Ryoma seemed to feel as he stared up at Tezuka, with that slap fresh on his cheek. “Why… why are you doing this?” seems to be running through his mind. “Why do you continue to refuse me? I’ve been chasing after you… why can’t you just look at me?”

And at the same time, I can feel what Tezuka might be thinking as he looks down at that small boy, so full of potential. “Why can’t you listen to what I have to say? Why can’t you see that what I’m trying to do is for your own good? Why can’t you look past right now, and see what I’m trying to do for your future?”

Perhaps the fact that I can feel for both of them is why this plot point has hit me so hard. A couple years ago a relationship that was very important to me shattered so quickly I don’t think it really set in until a bit later. I reflect on it often. I didn’t spend too long in that relationship, and I don’t think I was quite as dedicated to it as the other was, at least not emotionally. But, the fact that I trusted them, and thought that they were one of my best friends, come thick or thin, and the fact that they made me feel that way, made the fact that they went cold on me hurt so much worse. They were someone I thought I could rely on no matter what, someone that I thought would comfort me and see past my actions and my words to see who I truly was, and how I really felt.

I’m disappointed in myself for not letting them know how much I really cared.

Relationships, no matter what kind they are, require tender care. My uncle has likened relationships to gardens. I like that. Take care of them, and in time they will blossom and become beautiful, strong, and healthy. Abuse them or abandon them, and they will die. Maybe not quickly, but they will die. They will rot. They will be fragile until they break. Patience is a must. Trying to push things forward will make them just as weak as not caring at all. The roots need to go deep, or the slightest upsetting will completely tear it up. Get rid of the weeds while they're still small, before their roots go too deep and they're too difficult to get rid of. Just enough of what it needs will help it to grow steadily.

It’s not necessarily that these two were lacking any of that. They had seventy-five episodes to develop their relationship on- (and possibly off-) screen before Tezuka left, and you really get to see the fullest of that before Tezuka’s lengthy departure. Under Tezuka’s steady hand, and paired with Ryoma’s energetic, eager response to his guidance, their “garden” probably grew to be fairly large and fairly beautiful, and certainly strong enough to survive their being separated by half the planet. It was definitely strong enough to keep Ryoma going. It’s a sad fact, though, that any realistic relationship will hit the rocks – big or small – sometime or another, sooner or later.

The important question is – do you let the rocks rip through you? And if so, do you make the effort to repair the damage?

Ryoma did, by the end of episode 145, go to Tezuka to apologize and beg for another chance, and it looks like their relationship might be on the mend. Perhaps it will even be fully restored come the end of the anime and the beginning of the OVA, when they need to move forward into the biggest test of how strong their relationship with each other is – to pull each other and their teammates through the Japan National tournament. Though it really wasn’t a huge argument they got into, it was probably enough to remind each other just how much they care about each other… however much that might be. They understand each other enough that things are surely going to be okay. It upset the ground, and they’ll need to settle things back down in order to continue on.

My relationship has never quite rebounded like I’m fairly sure theirs will, if things in the anime stay relatively true to the manga. The other and I never really speak anymore, and when we do the words are empty and meaningless, cold even. Our feelings don’t flow freely between each other like they used to. I feel somehow like I can’t forgive them, since I’ve never given up on the hope that someday things will be like they were and they have made no effort to respond to me, but I still hold myself partly to blame. Over and over, I’ve wanted to say, “I’m sorry if I did something wrong. I did care back then, truly I did, no matter what I said.”

Funny how it takes a few episodes of my favourite anime to get me to really dig deep inside of myself to begin to figure out things in my head.

(Screencaps courtesy of Ore-Sama.)

Hello all, ni hao, konbanwa!

So here I am, finally with a blog. More for letting family and friends know how I am than anything else, but I guess that's how it generally goes : )

Shall I introduce myself? Well, not much to say. I'm just a high school girl, amber eyes, dark brown hair with ginger streaks. I work at a pizza place, drive a Taurus, and am on the honour roll at school.

I've visited nine different foreign countries - Taiwan, Japan, Finland, England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, France, and Italy... ten if you count The Vatican as a country. I love to travel, especially to Japan.

I love Japanese stuff - the food, the country, the culture, the language, the music. And heck, throw in anime too, nothing wrong with that. I'm trying to apply to go study there for a few years, so hopefully that'll work out too.

I take haidong gumdo lessons - the Korean form of Asian swordsmanship, if you will. I'm just a few steps away from blackbelt right now. I'm aiming to have my blackbelt by March '09. And I do have a sword, so PH34R with an exceeding great PH34R. XDD

Oh yes, introduction to anime-smilies. Get used to it for they will be used often.

So, I guess that's my introduction for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Listening to: "ANSWER" by Takemoto Eiji as Yanagi Renji
Eating: A sundried-tomato turkey sandwich
Working on: Art History homework