Next Semester...?

Mid-terms are finally over for me. After tests and papers for five classes being spread out over a month, it all ended with my Japanese oral mid-term on Friday. Now, in just a few days, I'll get to choose my classes for next semester.

I'm really disappointed in myself. One of my very worst habits is that I constantly overestimate myself. In sophomore year of high school, I was committed to an orchestra - one of the very best in the country - that robbed me of many hours of sleep and time that I needed to put towards my other honours classes, namely honours English, chemistry, and French 3. In junior year, after being gone for six months due to study abroad, I jumped right back into the middle of another few honours classes. Last year, as a senior, I took a full schedule with four AP classes. I also worked 15 hours a week on top of that, and was working my way up to a red belt in haidong gumdo.

In college, during summer term, I took a language-intensive course that was wholly draining. I covered two semesters of Japanese in seven weeks. Now, my first semester, I've taken a full load complete with two languages.

Quite honestly, I'm scared to sign up. I always, always think "It's no big deal. I can do it." But obviously I can't. I'm an emotional and mental wreck right now. What if I do the same thing? What if I take too many classes, or really hard classes? I've already cut out a 300-level class that I honestly, truly want to take, but I know I'll kill myself.

I love learning. I really do. That's probably why I continually get myself into situations like this - I'm excited to learn something new and I jump right in without thinking twice. I'm trying to go easy this semester - I'm looking at Japanese 202, creative writing, harpsichord, and Civilization, with an audit in Finnish 102. But what if that's not cutting back enough? What if I'm jumping into the exact same thing again?

I don't know. This is so tiring.