It's been about a month and a half - or maybe more - since I moved out of my home, and my family left for California. I thought that after this long, I wouldn't feel so out-of-place. I seem to have been wrong, as I so often am.
When you spend most of your life in one place, it's difficult to, all of a sudden, up and leave. Nowhere feels like home. I'm living with my grandparents right now, but soon I'll be off and living in an apartment near campus. I stay with my family for a little while out in California every now and then.
When people you should feel at home with are in so many places, or you are traveling so much and are in so many places, where exactly is home?
I think the only time I've ever felt so out of place was when I came back from London. I had become so comfortable in that little flat in Bayswater, and I had become so familiar with the area, that coming back was just plain weird. People sounded funny, and were driving on the wrong side of the road. Everything just seemed strange, and alien, like I had never been here before, or like I didn't belong here anymore. I still feel that way. I think I miss London more than I ever missed Utah.
Feeling like you don't belong anywhere is no fun. Everything is unfamiliar, even if you're in a familiar place like I am. I feel like a burden. I feel like I don't belong, or that I'm in the wrong place all the time... sometimes I even feel like soon, I'll just pack everything back up and go back to my purple room a few miles away, where everything was familiar and comfortable.
I just want to go home... but there is no home anymore.
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