New Job.

New job is nicer. New job is more prestigious. New job requires nice clothes. New job doesn't pay as much. New job doesn't offer as many hours at the moment. Nice clothes are expensive. Expensive with less hours and less pay means I have no money.

It's a vicious cycle.



I did buy two pieces of new clothing, and hopefully my parents will take pity and help me buy just two or three nice shirts and a pair of pants or something.


Clothes I bought:

White ruffly skirt.




And:

Awesome separate shirt.

We'll see how they look when they get here. :/ I hope they're nice. If not I just spent a lot of money on nothing.




Also I bought a jpunk tie:




I like it very much. I'll try wearing it to work. If it's not work acceptable it will at least look awesome to wear to school.






MONEEEEEEYYYYYY PROBLEMS.










Also apparently this is my 100th post, yay for me, I am a blogger superstar.

WTF...

So... it's my mom's parents' 50th anniversary in a couple of weeks. For a present, my aunt had an idea for everyone in the family to write a little something, and we'd compile it all into a book to give to my grandparents to show them how all of us appreciate their marriage.


Since I've been really busy being sick and writing papers, and since I have memory deficiency and I don't remember much, I just wrote a short little bit about trips that the family used to take down to Lake Powell when I was younger. It was when the family was not quite so big, and I mentioned how nice it was to just have that close and bonding experience. I sent it off to my aunt. I got this back from her (copy and pasted straight from Gmail):


"I don't know if you were mad with me or if you are unhappy with something that I've done or said. I actually read your letter today and I couldn't tell if it was reflective of your feelings of me or our family in general. I felt bad that with all the memories you would have of Grandma and Grandpa and all they've done that this is what you want published in a book for Grandpa to read on his 50th wedding anniversary. This is meant for them...Grandma and Grandpa...as a way of seeing what their union has meant to each of us, not as a way to come forward with personal issues towards members of our family. Let me know if you would like to put any more thought into it."




WTF woman.




So I wrote another one. Hopefully this one seems "nicer" to her. Otherwise I will just not be in the book, which is a damn shame to everyone except for me, I guess. But if she's going to take personal offense at everything I do (not unusual for that side of the family), so be it.


I guess that's just the way I'll always be to them.

HALLOWEEN.

I don't celebrate, but I did some makeup effects and called it a day.

 

 

 

 

 

RUKIPPOI.

 

 

 

In other news, I have my school schedule for next term:

 

10-10:50 Reading Modern Japanese Documentary Styles MWF

11-11:50 Modern American Usage of Grammar MWF

12-12:50 Masterpieces of World Literature MWF

14-14:50 Career Strategies MW

15-15:50 Christian History MW

 

 

YAAAAY SCHOOL.

 

 

 

I really like these neck slashes, I should do them more often.

Research Paper

I'm taking a break from working on the proposal for my semester research paper, an assignment for my advanced writing class. It's been a rough go trying to figure out what I'm going to write about, since my major is a language. I guess there's one other girl in my class that as a language major - Spanish - and since there are about ten times more Spanish classes than there are Japanese classes it's been easy for her.


She decided she's going to write about history. I've decided I'm going to write about the GazettE.


Yes, laugh at me if you want, but there's such a nice breath of fresh air about those men, Ruki in particular. He doesn't care about social conventions about keeping things under the table. He wants to put things out in the open, where people can see and talk about them. There are so many things in his lyrics that you can't find almost anything on in Japanese news just because of censorship and social convention that you don't talk about it. He takes a strong stance and doesn't back down when backlash strikes.


It's something important, something that needs to be done. I'm all for keeping custom and tradition, but that doesn't mean that ignoring the problem will make it go away.


So the basis of my research paper is the GazettE's album "DIM" and the issues it talks about in its lyrics. Some of them, just so there's an idea, are pieces about abortion, murder, anger, emotional abuse, and the like. I'm excited to work out my paper on interpreting them and how the band's personal opinions have helped shape this.


the GazettE will be pulling in upwards of $2,000,000 with ticket sales for this year's tour. They're important and prolific, despite their status as "heretics" and "social riot machines". Let's give some attention to them and what they have to say.



That's why they're doing it, after all.

Sick.

So last night, I was attempting to go to sleep, feeling very awake and anxious. I was experiencing the wonderful swelling flush of the niacin tablet I had taken (good times, everyone, you should try it) when sudden stabbing pain began ripping at my lower abdomen.

I figured it would go away, but it kept coming, harder and more painful. I went to the bathroom, where my body purged itself several times before I could stagger back to my room and try to climb up on my bed. At this point I was in so much pain I was writhing around to try to ease my muscles.

My roommates came in at one in the morning to see if I was okay, and after watching me, one went to get painkillers while the other called my home teachers to come and give me a blessing. My teachers came at one thirty and entered my room (against university contract, but I couldn't move because I was in too much pain) to give me a blessing.

I managed to hold still as they were blessing me, though I was still experiencing a pain like someone shoving a knife up into me from between my legs and through my stomach and back. When they had finished, they gave my roommates instructions to call if I needed any more help before they left. My roommates decided that if I wasn't feeling better within a half hour, they were going to take me to the hospital.

Luckily, the pain subsided quickly after that, and I spent the rest of the night drifting in and out of sleep, weak and sore with a turbulent stomach.

That's why I'm writing this blog instead of being in class right now.



I never would have thought to call my home teachers, but for my roommates it was one of the first things they asked me. I'm glad they had the faith and the belief to do that, because I do believe that blessing is what made me feel as good as I do now. I'm still sick, but I'm not writhing around in pain.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but if it comes back, it's good to know people of faith are willing to help me exercise mine.

What I Need to Work On.

Accepting help.

I've been saying it for a long time, but it's only in the last little while people have been telling me, "We're trying to help, but you won't let us."


I'm going to start telling myself, before I react to offers of help or anything like it, that it's okay to accept help.

I guess I've just been going so long without taking help that I don't know what to do.



So I'm going to start saying, "It's okay. Let them help." and then accept it as best I can.


It'll be a struggle, but it will be better for me if I humble myself and let people take care of me, because I really can't take care of myself.




I'm not one of these people that wants to always be a dependent. I don't want to rely on people all my life, I don't want to live in my family's house, I don't want to always have to be getting help to get through life. I want to be an independent person that can take care of myself.

But now is clearly not a time I'm able to do that.




I'm going to accept help.

Even if it's going to be struggle for me.

I don't want to keep making the people that care about me worry anymore.

Change.

Sorry to spring this on everyone, but if you're here looking for the crystal scherzo page, it's been changed.

Since crystal scherzo is a group now, I figured it would be best if the URL reflected the group rather than me. For the group's scanslations and translations, now head to http://crystalscherzo.blogspot.com. Sorry for the sudden change.



Cheers.

Crash.

Boom.

The end.



School's a lot better so far than it was last year. That doesn't mean my grades are going to be any better, but at least I'm enjoying myself. I'm a lot better off when it comes to being on terms with myself. For the most part, I'm very happy about who I am and what I'm doing, and that makes everything about ten times more fun.

There's still a lot of worries and a lot of stress and it's not everything to do with me, but I've just gotta keep going.


I'm not putting my head down though. I'm going to look at everything that's going on so I can have a better sense of things. I don't want to blindly go through stuff if I don't have to.







Dix.

Blergh.

Yes, it’s that time again, when school starts. The first week was over and it was a mess. I’ll just say that working the noon shift is not easy when half my classes are during the noon shift. I’m happy to be back on the afternoon shift. Fwee.

 

So I moved into a new apartment, and there was plenty of nervousness and anxiety, but it looks like it’s going to be a good experience this year. Kenzie and Ariel, my two new roommates, are really cool and open-minded and they don’t mind me being a weirdo. They even compliment my Asian men wall. :Db

 

Speaking of which, here are pictures of the new flat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Versailles AND GazettE. Best wall of awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These pictures were taken awhile ago so it looks a bit different now, but not by much. :3

 

It’s a small flat, as to be expected, but it’s soooo much nicer than the place Elo and I lived first year. Plus the ward is nicer, roommates are cooler, and the overall feel is just so much more welcoming. I don’t feel like I have to hide my music or my movies or my posters, because people actually think it’s cool.

 

It’s so nice to be around mature people.

 

 

 

 

So my classes this semester are: Historical Geology, Reading Modern Japanese Documentary Styles, Writing About the Arts and Humanities, World Religions, and Japanese Culture Through Cinema. The workload is going to be a bit much, but I really want to do well this year, and I’m excited about my classes and what I’m going to learn. I’m going to work my hardest and do my very best.

 

A couple of other goals I have for the semester are to work on my kanji outside of class, work on guitar, and try to read my scriptures more. I feel comfortable with my spiritual relationship with God and with religion, but I don’t think it’ll hurt to keep trying. I’m going to attempt to read the Book of Mormon in Japanese, just bit by bit, to help my spiritual progress and my Japanese.

 

 

 

In other news, I know I’ve posted this everywhere, but congratulations to Masashi for becoming a member of Versailles, and to Versailles for finding such a wonderful person to help carry their work on. I look forward to seeing how they will progress into their new era.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s a hard time right now. I’m struggling with a lot, and I know I’m getting bogged down, but I’m going to keep fighting. I want everyone to know that no matter what I say or how I act, or how upset or sad or depressed I seem, I’m never stopping my fight. I just need some help getting strength back every now and then.

 

 

 

 

 

Bedtime.

I LOVE TODAY.

YES I DO 8D

 

 

Okay well morning sucked because I think it was somewhere around 100*F+? And I had to drive to the airport and wait at the airport and drive back from the airport in a car with leather upholstery and no air conditioning. :Db But I survived~

 

I picked up my friend and we had a good chat in Japanese on the way, reaffirming that YES I SUCK AT SPEAKING IT LOL but I can still understand it very well.

 

I dropped Alyssa off at her apartment and ran to work for all of two hours (lol). BUT WHILE AT WORK, IT STARTED RAINING. AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN. THE KITCHENS BROUGHT ME A BOX FULL OF CAAAANNDDDYYYYYYYYYY 8D

 

And then after work I went back to Alyssa’s and she gave me presents. AND MORE THAN TODAY IN GENERAL, I LOVE ALYSSA. I LOVE ALYSSA MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW.

 

 

WHY, YOU ASK?

 

BECAUSE.

 

 

 

 

YEAH THAT’S RIGHT FOOCHAS.
SHE FOUND THIS RR MAGAZINE FOR ME.
AND BOUGHT IT FOR ME.
YES, THIS ONE:

 

 

THE ONE WITH YUKI. ALSDKGHLASKDJGKLJSDKLKLXCMVLAKSDHFLJL.
YES SOMEHOW SHE JUST WALKED INTO TOWER RECORDS AND FOUND IT.
WHEN SUPPOSEDLY IT WAS SOLD OUT LIKE WITHIN TWO DAYS OF ITS PRESS
BEING ANNOUNCED?
YEAH. SHE JUST WALKED IN AND FOUND IT. AND BOUGHT IT.
(ERIKA HAS BEEN SEARCHING FOR MONTHS AND HAS NOT FOUND IT.)

AND NOT JUST YUKI EITHER.

 

 

IT ALSO HAS EFFING SONO IN IT. SONO. TOORI. DESU. –SHOT!-

 

 

 

 

…… Ahem.

 

 

Oh, and that’s not all either. 8D

 

 

 

 

 

Matenrou Opera’s “ANOMIE”. She bought it for me. alsdkghalskdjgldskjfl.

 

 

And.

 

 

the GazettE’s “DIM”. She also bought this for me. lsakdhglksadglkdfjkl.

 

 

AND.

 

 

Number vol. 5. alskdhgldksjflksjdlf. 8DD

 

 

 

 

AND THEN.

 

 

 

 

MONOCHROME FACTOR VOL. 9 ASLDKGHLKXCZMVLKSDGFKJDSALKFLKHGLJSDLF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALMOST LITERALLY I AM EXPLODING WITH HAPPY.

I THINK I COULD GET HIT BY A TRUCK AND I WOULDN’T EVEN CARE CAUSE I’M SO HAPPY.

 

 

 

 

 

Alyssa, you’re the best. >3

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or at least (and funny how this happened as soon as I finished typing all of the above), it was that way until my mom came dancing in to ruin it.

 

I will drown myself in DIM and not pay any attention to her. Or try not to, anyway.

Rant about Gazerock.

Because I am just that upset about all the shit people are saying about the new GazettE single which, by the way, isn't even out yet.

It's not all that well composed, but it's my feelings, so they're there. May be offensive, may not be. Sorry.









So basically, I sat there trying to figure out what these people's thought process is for saying "Gazerock is dead". And what I came up with was:


"OMG I DIDN'T LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO THIS NEW TRACK GAZEROCK MUST BE DEAD."




Like WTF. Are you for serious? The CD isn't even out yet! How can you judge a CD by one track? Yes, SHIVER isn't the most unforgettable track ever, but it's something that they put thought into, and to expect another DISCHARGE for every title track is just... dumb.




And then I got to thinking.



I'll admit, I've only been listening to GazettE for one year so I suppose I can't claim seniority compared to those who like to throw their "7 years experience" around, but GazettE is a magic band to me. How can they go so long, still have almost all the original members (the "original drummer" bailed out really early on, so as far as I'm concerned Kai is the original drummer), and still sound like GazettE, even though their sound is completely different? (Yeah that's one that takes a minute to get your mind around.)

Someone said, they've switched distributors. X distributor always puts out dumb music. Therefore GazettE will put out dumb music.



Yes, because all dalmatians are dogs so all dogs are dalmatians.




I said, changing distributors means nothing. You haven't even heard the other tracks, so don't go judging. Ruki still believes in the music they're making, so I'm sticking with him. Haters will hate, true fans will wait.






Apparently, I'm the only one who seems to think that way.






So, to the one who said "people say that being a true fan is sticking with the band is the right thing to do, but true fans would really recognize their best material and understand when they're sellouts"...: I'm trying to figure out what you're seeing isn't good in their new material. Is it the hard rock? The edgy sounds? The progressive mixing? The lyric content?



I'm sorry, what's your favourite track that is sooo much better than, I don't know, HEADACHE MAN, which is one of the hardest rock/metal songs they've put out, when when that screaming and headbanging sound so characterizes them? Is your favourite song, perchance, Miseinen, that oh so memorable track with amazing music from way back in the early 2000's?





I'm failing to see how GazettE are "far past their prime" and "sellouts". All bands evolve with time, and they're no idiots as to keep the same erratic and, to be honest, completely unlikeable scritchy sound that makes them seem like they have about a 100,000 yen ($100ish) budget. They're evolving with the times, putting out music that runs parallel to this day and age, rather than staying with that music that, while it's highly individual, sounds amateur and like an alien shoved a probe up their butts.



Oh, and the sellout thing? What's that coming from? The fact that they can fill Saitama Super Arena with people who will show up to see them live, despite the fact that there being that many people means about maybe five hundred of them, at most, will actually be able to see the band? (The Super Arena can be formatted to hold up to 37,000 people, apparently.) The fact that they're ranking in the Oricon charts now? Have you ever thought that maybe there's a reason that's only happened in the last few years?


Oh wait, you'll say it's because they're doing what's "mainstream" and what people love. Nevermind the songs about incest, and criticism of idols (whom people adore more than GazettE), or abortion, or any of that. They're putting out music that everyone can agree with, and that's why they're OMG suddenly so popular.




See, that's what I like about them, personally. Ruki's lyrics are so much more thought-provoking, so much more deep, have so much more meaning and are so full of art and beauty despite the twistedness of all of them now than they were even just five years ago... and that's amazing, especially when you look at all the other "not-so-sellout" artists that are writing generic stuff. Look at Arashi, and SMAP, and Touhoushinki (oh wait they don't exist anymore sorry), and... wow. I drown in genericness that knows no bounds. But apparently GazettE with their cold-cutting words and truth and simple reality is now generic brand to be easily picked up at a pharmacy near you, to take with your Johnny's to feel warm and fuzzy every day.

Oh, and it's not just Ruki either. Listen to the effing music and go find something else that ranks so high in Oricon that sounds like Guren. Uruha and Aoi and Reita and Kai pour their souls into making music. These men work hard, and they're so proud of what they do. Sellouts! Sellouts! They write their own music still! Sellouts!




Okay, seriously guys. Sellouts are people that just put their faces on things and those items will sell like mad, for absolutely no reason.

GazettE is filling effing Saitama Super Arena. Where people can't even see them.





So really, I don't see what these people are saying.



If you don't like the fact that they've gone eight years now, and are still distinctly GazettE in their sound, have stayed together, and are producing more coherent and much stronger music than most bands after this much time, and music that is much more coherent and much stronger than they've ever made before, I'm more convinced that you're a hater than you are a "true fan". If the band is still putting out music that they're writing, that they believe in, that they are putting effort and thought into, then that's all the reason I need to stick with them and listen. But you're saying that Gazerock is dead, because they're mainstream, because every single track isn't OMG mindblowing (like it's always been every track = OMG MINDBLOWING GAAAAHHH right from the very beginning).





Gazerock is far from dead. It's still going, getting stronger and more menacing.


You just jumped off the train early.

I'm kind of falling apart.

I've never been the type to go out looking for attention, for people to feel sorry for me and offer their help. I think this all started when I did start with help - professional help - and they actually ended up telling my parents everything I said, which is not what I wanted. So I kind of just started doing things on my own, taking my pain silently and without notice, never really letting it out.

But things under pressure will inevitably explode. And I've reached that point. It seems I can't go a week without suffering some sort of meltdown.

I have no one around to really help me. The few people I do feel like talking with say I need to accept help, that I should be all right with the idea that they want to help me.

It's not that I don't love them or trust them... it's that I don't know how to be helped.

When you've gone so long on your own, how do you let other people help you?

I don't know. But I think I'm just caught in a constant, ongoing panic attack.

Blah.

So I pretty much just fail at updating about my life. Probably because I don't really HAVE a life. OH THAT MIGHT BE THE PROBLEM.

Well there's just one more month and then I am done with finals, yay! And it shall be summertime. I'll be taking classes over the summer, but they'll be online, so I can do them whenever whereever.

And I'm buying my own electric guitar soon! Yay! I wanted to form a visual-kei band to perform at Asian cultural events and such on-campus. Now that I can play the guitar and will be able to get my own, that dream will come true soon, hopefully.

Too bad my bassist is taking off for the summer. -shakes a fist in her direction-




VISUAL KEI MOMENT OF THE DAY:


Teru is so cute when he sings, simply because he's so bad at it. Actually he's already cute but... awww. Look at how tiny he is! >w< He's amazing to be able to keep playing music like that and be distracted by Kamijo at the same time. 8D Yay!

(Teru is my guitar hero. |D)

Fly, fly!

;alskdnv;zlkxbn;alhgalsdf. I leave. Soon. And I am really scared that something is going to go wrong. And I don't know anything about my host families and it will take me a few days to speak Japanese once I actually get there.

This is going to be an adventure!!!!! :Db


...... D8


I know I'll be fine once I get there and settle in, but for now I'm really freaking out. So I'll probably be venting with translation! Because that's seriously the only thing that can calm me down at this point besides lots of Moi Dix Mois and Ono Daisuke music. (Why Moi Dix Mois is calming, I do not know).


I'll be using this blog to post updates while I'm away, but how often it will happen I know not. It'll be here and Facebook, so if you want to know how things are going, look here! :Db


Packing...

MY CEILING DDD8

It's giving way!

It was Wednesday night that I came back from work and my side of the desk was getting dripped on. My roommate had cleared everything on to my bed, and we safely evacuated almost all of our stuff on the desk to the further side of the room. We made calls to emergency maintenance, who did not answer. We slept on the couches down in the living room.

Thursday, maintenance shows up and slices the paint that was bulging down from the ceiling, pulls it away, and then proceeds up to the roof where they threw off all the snow.

Did this fix the problem? Uh, no.

So I come back from visiting home last night to find that not only was the ceiling dripping faster, but the window was leaking and the ceiling drips had now extended into my closet.

This is ridiculous. Maintenance was supposed to fix this ON THE FIRST DAY. So I'm calling management tomorrow and telling them that they either fix my ceiling immediately, or they get me a different apartment. I am not paying money for a room I cannot live in.

Finals time!

Yes, that wonderful time of the year that absolutely no one would dread.

... -_-

And in truth I would much rather be translating, but I should be writing papers. Blah.

But they will be over by the seventeenth, which will give me kind of an early Christmas break. Then I can translate all I wish. >8D

When I do take time off, I think I'm going to start writing little blogs about Monochrome Factor episodes, with uncut DVD screencaps. Because I can, so boohoo.

aslkhgaoweigjas;df. I want to sleeep.

Twilight

I'm sighing as I type this. Honestly.

My mother took my sister and I to see the Twilight movie yesterday. Now, I had read the book at the urging of family members and friends and at the curiosity of just what made it so special, and I wasn't left in awe. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun read. It was a nice change from what usually I am required to read for class or what I choose to read for myself. But it wasn't amazing. It was just. Okay.

So, I was looking forward to the movie with dread. Having been unable to watch a trailer without laughing my head off or rolling my eyes, I was a bit unsure of what to expect. What I did expect was a movie on terms with the book - sappy, without substance.

And I was right. The acting wasn't all that great, no good special effects, and quite honestly, whatever substance the book did have was taken right out.

Someone's probably angry at me right now, so I'll sigh again and do some explaining. When I say "substance" I mean "real, moving plot" or "interesting development" or "intriguing dialogue". Twilight had something that made me read to the end, but I am in no way motivated to pick it up again or probably even to continue.

Bella is a Mary-Sue. She's weak and whiny, but everyone loves her, especially this big, strong, powerful, highly-attractive man. And he loves her no matter what. It's somewhat irritating. And Edward is a bishounen (go wikipedia it or google it if you don't know what that means), and that's about all there is to him. I'm sorry. I really do kind of like Edward, but he's also a bit creepy. No matter how attractive they might be, I would not want my potential love interest sneaking into my room and watching me sleep, or following me everywhere.

What I look for in characters is someone that changes, someone that develops, someone that "grows up" in a substantial way in between the beginning and the end. I look for non-stereotypical, strong characters.

I look for engaging, meaningful dialogue that takes the story somewhere.

I look for a plot with action, with undertones, with meaning, with symbolism and metaphors and excitement. I look for a plot with depth, a plot that has you asking, "What's going to happen?" I look for a plot that always has you guessing. I look for a plot that makes a story that says something about life, or about humankind... a book that really, truly makes you think about the world.

I'm sorry to say that I thought Twilight fell a little short.

It might just be the literature lover in me that looks for more than a 2D story, but I find a story with no real depth to just be boring. I like stuff that makes me think, that makes me feel.

Perhaps it's just my own bad experiences with romance that make me shirk from romantic novels. But when it comes to movies, I am ridiculously easy to please. There have been few movies that I watched when afterwards, I thought to myself, "That really was not a good movie."

I'm sorry, really I am.

As a bonus, it doesn't help that someone on costumes crew in Twilight seems to have been watching Monochrome Factor.

Look for it during the class field trip, in the greenhouses.

/review. Begin running from upset Twilight fans.

Next Semester...?

Mid-terms are finally over for me. After tests and papers for five classes being spread out over a month, it all ended with my Japanese oral mid-term on Friday. Now, in just a few days, I'll get to choose my classes for next semester.

I'm really disappointed in myself. One of my very worst habits is that I constantly overestimate myself. In sophomore year of high school, I was committed to an orchestra - one of the very best in the country - that robbed me of many hours of sleep and time that I needed to put towards my other honours classes, namely honours English, chemistry, and French 3. In junior year, after being gone for six months due to study abroad, I jumped right back into the middle of another few honours classes. Last year, as a senior, I took a full schedule with four AP classes. I also worked 15 hours a week on top of that, and was working my way up to a red belt in haidong gumdo.

In college, during summer term, I took a language-intensive course that was wholly draining. I covered two semesters of Japanese in seven weeks. Now, my first semester, I've taken a full load complete with two languages.

Quite honestly, I'm scared to sign up. I always, always think "It's no big deal. I can do it." But obviously I can't. I'm an emotional and mental wreck right now. What if I do the same thing? What if I take too many classes, or really hard classes? I've already cut out a 300-level class that I honestly, truly want to take, but I know I'll kill myself.

I love learning. I really do. That's probably why I continually get myself into situations like this - I'm excited to learn something new and I jump right in without thinking twice. I'm trying to go easy this semester - I'm looking at Japanese 202, creative writing, harpsichord, and Civilization, with an audit in Finnish 102. But what if that's not cutting back enough? What if I'm jumping into the exact same thing again?

I don't know. This is so tiring.

Death

My great-uncle died on Friday.

I just heard about it around half an hour ago. I only met him once, because he's in a hospital in Finland. He was in a really bad car accident when he was younger and it left him a prisoner in his own body for many, many years. He seemed very sweet, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet him before he left.

But, even though I know he's in a better place, it's still very upsetting to me. I find death fascinating, yet it makes me cry. I don't care much for my own death - perhaps it's because I've cheated the almighty Death so many times - but whenever I think about anyone else dying, it's too much for me.

Death, and people getting hurt. Why is that? I could get into a horrible accident and not even blink - in fact, I was laughing the last time I had a brush with death (I lost control of an ATV and crashed into a thicket of trees, barely missing a head-on crash. I ended up tearing my arm open). But thinking of my brother simply being unresponsive because he hasn't taken care of his diabetes drives me into hysterics. My roommate finds a clip of Gackt passing out and I'm absolutely traumatized.

What is wrong with me?

Maybe I'm just oversensitive. Maybe that's just my nature, or I've become that way because of all the medical issues that have happened to my family in the past few years. But that doesn't explain why I could care less about my own life being extinguished and the mere thought of someone else losing consciousness makes me cry.

But at any length... I'm going to miss uncle Taisto. I pray that he is much happier where he is now.

Monochrome Factor, Vol. 1 [DVD]

My bright light at the end of the first couple of weeks of college arrived last night: my box set of Monochrome Factor.


I adore this show. It's witty, cute, and funny, but with plenty of underlying value. And since it doesn't look like it'll be truly licensed in America anytime soon (thank goodness for that... if I hear Vic Mignogna or Johnny Yong Bosch are hanging around it, I think I'll have to cry), and I would feel bad for cheating the system if I didn't support the series somehow, I decided to go ahead and start buying the Japanese DVDs.

It didn't come with much as far as bonus video material is concerned - the bonus disk only holds some chats with the main actors, Suwabe Junichi and Ono Daisuke, and other actors, but having clear, remastered episodes (along with extras that weren't included in the TV version) is a nice breath of fresh air compared to watching digital, heavily-pixelated stuff online.

The set also came with an extra cover (it makes me happy... Akira is my favourite), along with many Akira stickers and an Akira phone charm.

Episodes 1-3 are some of the most unobscured ones in the series, meaning they're in place for purpose of plot and not fillers, which unfortunately most of the series is. (I can count plot-related episodes that have been released thus far on one hand, quite literally.) While having nothing but fillers up until the very end is a good sign of a second series, I'm not sure I want to go through another season of 25 episodes, with 17/25 being fillers and very little related to the plot. But, perhaps, if a second season does ensue, maybe since they will have reached a part of the climax with this first series, the second will be a little more intense. I like this series mainly for the interaction between the main characters, Akira and Shirogane, and their struggle with Akira's true identity rather than seeing the same tired "plot device" recycled through almost every episode (except said ones I can count on one hand.)

So, let's see how this treats me. Box set 2 should be here by the end of next week. I'm excited for some spare time to sit down, watch everything through, and see what treasures I have really come across.